Got the results from the biopsy and there is no sign of cancer or pre-cancer but I still need surgery to remove some 'stuff'. There's a chance they may find something alarming but I'm sure they won't. I'm scheduled for the end of September so I guess I'm in a holding pattern until then.
In the meantime I am down, down, down. It's coming up on the 2nd anniversary of my mother's passing and My God does that hurt. I miss her so much.
I have lost many people in my life - grandparents, aunts, uncles, a brother, cousins, friends, neighbors, co-workers - and understandably my mother's death has hit me the hardest. But this loss feels so unnatural. Someone is in your life and then they're gone. I know I carry her in my heart, but she is still gone. Disappeared, and it feels very wrong.
There are days when I feel like I'm still in shock. Days where I re-live every moment of the weeks following her death. There are pictures of her all over the house and I look at her urn every morning. I am so thankful that I have that little piece of her, literally. It's physical proof that she existed. I think I just may have gone mad if I didn't have some of her remains.
Anyway, that's where I am.
