Got the results from the biopsy and there is no sign of cancer or pre-cancer but I still need surgery to remove some 'stuff'. There's a chance they may find something alarming but I'm sure they won't. I'm scheduled for the end of September so I guess I'm in a holding pattern until then.
In the meantime I am down, down, down. It's coming up on the 2nd anniversary of my mother's passing and My God does that hurt. I miss her so much.
I have lost many people in my life - grandparents, aunts, uncles, a brother, cousins, friends, neighbors, co-workers - and understandably my mother's death has hit me the hardest. But this loss feels so unnatural. Someone is in your life and then they're gone. I know I carry her in my heart, but she is still gone. Disappeared, and it feels very wrong.
There are days when I feel like I'm still in shock. Days where I re-live every moment of the weeks following her death. There are pictures of her all over the house and I look at her urn every morning. I am so thankful that I have that little piece of her, literally. It's physical proof that she existed. I think I just may have gone mad if I didn't have some of her remains.
Anyway, that's where I am.
Oh, I understand the pain, the unfathomable. I am told that we never get over it. Having a mother die is like waking up and the sky or mountains have disappeared. If that happened people would never accept it and yet we are supposed to accept the loss of a mom. To me, waking up with the sky gone would have been easier to accept.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear about the biopsy. :-)
Love to you. I'm sorry I didn't hear (read) this news sooner, but from here on in you are in my thoughts and prayers and hopes and voodoo.
ReplyDelete