Day Two

I had a rough night last night. The doctor called with the news at 5:00 and by 6:00 my body was in shock. I started vomiting uncontrollably, was shaking like a leaf and freezing cold. I didn't sleep much at all both because I was getting sick and I couldn't turn my brain off. I really wish my mother was here so she could clean up the vomit that I spewed all over the walls and floor My body is ticked right now, that's for sure.

I am much better today. I called to make an appt for the genetic testing but the woman is out of the office for the rest of the week. The surgeon's office called me at 9:00 to see how I was doing and remind me what I needed to do. Very nice on their part, altho I already had my list. The nurse did provide a couple of phone numbers for me and I was so happy to talk to her. I really like this doctor already.

I've got an MRI scheduled for next Thursday. When the surgeon gets the results we'll sit down and talk. From the chicken scratches I made while I was talking to him, and what I have looked up online I believe it's ductal carcinoma in situ which is usually treated with a lumpectomy and radiation. Altho, with patients who are high risk like myself, it will probably be a mastectomy. He mentioned the spots in the other breast, which we never discussed before so I'm thinking he's going to suggest a double mastectomy. At the moment I'm okay with that. Actually, I am smiling at the possibility of being a nice firm C cup by summer, subsidized by UnitedHealthcare. Does that make me a bad person?

I had to call the insurance company to make sure everything is covered and thankfully it is. I was afraid the genetic testing would be out of pocket.

And finally, I had an appt with my family doctor yesterday and that was incredible. I really like this woman as she's caring but doesn't hold anything back. She had already received a copy of the test results and knew what was going on. She talked about some of her other patients and how they successfully beat it. She also said something that will probably stick with me forever. She said I will learn so much in the next twelve months and will come out the other side a much better person. She said cancer could be the best thing that ever happened to you. As strange as that sounds, I really felt it to be true. She put me on 5 mg of Lexapro, so we'll see what happens.

The hard part is not knowing. I think in a couple of weeks after we have all the information and we take some action I'm going to feel much better about things. The rate things have been going, I don't expect to even start treatment until the end of February.