I talk to her quite a bit and she is a serious listener. I wrote a little poem for her and recite it to her when we go out for walks. It sums her up perfectly.
eat
poop
play
love, love, love
sleep
ChiChi
3 year old Chihuahua
My Shadow
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
puppy poetry
We rescued a dog and she's the sweetest little thing. She has bonded with me since I am the primary caregiver, but the rest of the family doesn't seem to mind.
I talk to her quite a bit and she is a serious listener. I wrote a little poem for her and recite it to her when we go out for walks. It sums her up perfectly.
eat
poop
play
love, love, love
sleep
I talk to her quite a bit and she is a serious listener. I wrote a little poem for her and recite it to her when we go out for walks. It sums her up perfectly.
eat
poop
play
love, love, love
sleep
Monday, March 18, 2013
my family of three
I am a social butterfly. All my life I have fluttered around people and places, making new friends and experiencing new things. It's always been important to me to expand my circle of friends, or orbit as I call it. Young Me was very big on expanding my orbit. I loved meeting people and finding connections.
When I was a nanny in DC I had to meet all the other nannies, to keep them in my circle because you'd just never know. That whole six degrees of separation thing was fascinating to me. Not in a social climbing way, but in a 'Wow, this world is so friggen small!' kinda way.
Several years ago I realized that my orbit was becoming a major source of stress and started separating myself from others. There's a downfall to opening your arms so wide. Conflicting personalities, beliefs and points of views can lead to unnecessary sadness and grief, especially when you're already dealing with death, depression and cancer. Not to mention keeping drama at bay when you're concentrating on your child's health and happiness.
This isn't to say that I've become less tolerant. I still believe to each it's own, and fully support others right to their own beliefs. However, my priorities are reduced to my little family of three and surrounding us with those who help to provide a positive environment. My orbit is now a wee bit smaller (understatement).
The transformation has not been easy. I carry tremendous guilt over the people who are now at arm's length. My personality (disorder) has always been one to put others before myself. To get overly involved and try to help others, often at my own expense. I feel incredible sadness thinking of relationships that have come in an end. I've cried over the friends and family who are no longer there. But I wish them well. Deep down I know that this is what needs to happen to move my family of three in the right direction. This is what needs to happen to place us on the right path and keep us happy, healthy and safe.
We three are good people. We work hard to lead a good and just life.
And I love them so.
When I was a nanny in DC I had to meet all the other nannies, to keep them in my circle because you'd just never know. That whole six degrees of separation thing was fascinating to me. Not in a social climbing way, but in a 'Wow, this world is so friggen small!' kinda way.
Several years ago I realized that my orbit was becoming a major source of stress and started separating myself from others. There's a downfall to opening your arms so wide. Conflicting personalities, beliefs and points of views can lead to unnecessary sadness and grief, especially when you're already dealing with death, depression and cancer. Not to mention keeping drama at bay when you're concentrating on your child's health and happiness.
This isn't to say that I've become less tolerant. I still believe to each it's own, and fully support others right to their own beliefs. However, my priorities are reduced to my little family of three and surrounding us with those who help to provide a positive environment. My orbit is now a wee bit smaller (understatement).
The transformation has not been easy. I carry tremendous guilt over the people who are now at arm's length. My personality (disorder) has always been one to put others before myself. To get overly involved and try to help others, often at my own expense. I feel incredible sadness thinking of relationships that have come in an end. I've cried over the friends and family who are no longer there. But I wish them well. Deep down I know that this is what needs to happen to move my family of three in the right direction. This is what needs to happen to place us on the right path and keep us happy, healthy and safe.
We three are good people. We work hard to lead a good and just life.
And I love them so.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
blame the couch
I've got a lot on my mind. Life has been challenging, both good and bad, recently. Lots and lots of thinking going on in my head. Some days I long for a place to put it all out there, write it all down and organize the details of my scattered thoughts. Other days I know it's best to give it a rest, allow the tangled words settle in my brain before letting it out. Most days it's those 'other days' that win out. Silence is golden.
Last night was a 'some day'. I had things to say and witty ways to say it. It was the end of a very long and eventful day, filled with thoughts, emotions, conclusions and clarity. For twenty minutes I sat on my couch and wrote it all out in my head. Every word, comma, and paragraph was exactly as I wanted it to be. Had you read it you would have nodded your head and simply said 'Yep'.
But then I closed my eyes and smiled at how wonderful it felt to put my feet up and relax on the couch. I woke up hours later without a blog-thought in my head. It was all gone.
The highlights in cliche form? I am what I am. It's okay not to like me. I've lived 45 years and am happy in my head and in my heart. You are either with me or you aren't. There's nothing I can (or will) do to change things. I am busy doing the next right thing.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.
Last night was a 'some day'. I had things to say and witty ways to say it. It was the end of a very long and eventful day, filled with thoughts, emotions, conclusions and clarity. For twenty minutes I sat on my couch and wrote it all out in my head. Every word, comma, and paragraph was exactly as I wanted it to be. Had you read it you would have nodded your head and simply said 'Yep'.
But then I closed my eyes and smiled at how wonderful it felt to put my feet up and relax on the couch. I woke up hours later without a blog-thought in my head. It was all gone.
The highlights in cliche form? I am what I am. It's okay not to like me. I've lived 45 years and am happy in my head and in my heart. You are either with me or you aren't. There's nothing I can (or will) do to change things. I am busy doing the next right thing.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Cancerversary
Five years is a big day in the cancer world. I realize how incredibly lucky I am. It has been a very emotional experience.
I found a wonderful community of breast cancer sisters at BCO when I was first diagnosed and those ladies offered a tremendous support system. The love, kindness, strength and knowledge surpassed any other resource.
The BCO discussion board has a long running Angel thread listing those who succumbed to this terrible disease. It's a humbling read and I check it regularly and say prayers for their families.
Here are the ladies who have passed since my diagnosis.
Lisa40 - Lisa Turner, 12/14/07
fitzpatti, Pat Fitzpatrick - 12/26/07
CY, b445, Cheryl Thomason - 2/19/08
Jenben25 - Jennifer Lynn Buron - 1/23/08
ForTheMoment - Erin Elise Van Dyke - 3/13/08
Debbie Miller - 3/13/08
Shepgirl - Kathryn Bronson - 3/12/08
Joanne1428 - Joanne Patricia Schweitzer - 3/19/08
fd411 - Ferne Dixon - 3/23/08
kelownagirl - Jill - 4/08
skirk - Sherri Kirk - friend of jonimb - 4/10/08
PaulaBeth - May 3, 2008
labradorsandra - Sandra Branton - 3/24/08
Valsul-Valerie Sullivan-Cheshire, UK - 6/13/08
ocinny414 - CindyKS - 6/16/08
KariLynn - Kari Lynn Spiers - Pittsburg, KS, 7/3/08
Kimmie39 - Kimberly Dawn Franklin - Winchester, VA 7/4/08
Pauline Jones - England - 6/7/08
Monica Pieterse - 27 yrs old - 7/10/08
Feeval, Valerie S.Juzna, - 9/26/08
Jacqueline Schevarth - 10/08
mother of mymothersbaby - 8/13/08
Melbourne Mum(Ruth) - June 30th 2008
JillT - Jill Tollefson - 10/08
jonimb - 10/22/08
jodian (Jodi Squire ) - 11/13/08
Tricia45 - 12/4/08
joyh (mother of kgodwin03) - 12/08
ShenD - 12/27/08 Bevnurse - - 10/29/08
Fancy - Kay Galipeau - 12/21/08
roja1955, Pat - 12/31/08
AlaskaDeb, Debbie Clonan - 1/25/09
HeatherBLocklear, "Annie Camel Tail", Annette Olsen-Fazi - 1/31/09
Blessed4, Angela Martinez-Medina - 2/14/09
freeariesonline, Robin Snyder - 2/10/09
CalGal, Julie - 2/19/09
Twink, Twilah Richardson - 2/22/09
arc229, Amy Comeau -3/3/09
slonedeb Deborah Lynne Slone - 4/3/09
Maya1 - 4/6/09
Patty4, Patricia A. Finnegan - 3/26/09
Toyful, Michelle Buffington - 4/27/09
sueeco, Sue Holmes - 5/6/09
waterlily, Ruth - 5/23/09
AZDarleen - 6/6/09
JerseyMaria, Donna Marie Dickscheid - 6/14/09
Kiminjax, Kim Barbato - 4/28/09
FLLoriK - 6/23/09
RanD, Randie Cipperly - 7/1/09
VickiG, Vicki Gallahue - 7/10/09
rooni, Rusty Tarbill - 7/14/09
ozzie2, Marion Wright (Australia) - 7/24/09
pinehouse, Lani - 8/12/09
debshusband's wife, Deb - 6/30/09
Debman, Deborah Mancini Wharff - 7/14/09
Cyberrand, Randy - 9/09
motherof3, Jennifer Anthony - 8/27/09
SunshineSmiles, Susan G. Elliot - 9/11/09
mena, Linda Minczuk - 9/14/09
Heidi_Ho - 9/30/09
virginiamom, Paula - 10/11/09
Mrs_X_Sunneedazee, Amber - 10/14/09
lv2cmp, Amy Vinson - 10-18-09
FloridaLady (FlaLady), Debbie - 10/20/09
geeta75, Geeta Morris - 10/21/09
TripleNeg, Stephanie Babb - 10/29/09
Swimfan, Robin Hoof - 10/22/09
Divine777, Divine Saleh - 6/19/09
WendyV - 11/4/09
lvtotravel, Lydia Schmock- 11/7/09
bettelou68, Bette George Dietrick - 11/28/09
Phyllis - 12/27/09
MREanes, Mike Eanes - 1/1/10
LynnW, Lynn Weymark - 10/20/09
riverinerabbit, Caerli - 1/18/10
kimmytoo - 1/10
denisela, Denise Parro - 1/24/10
Watson, Phyllis Gannon - 1/26/10
Kbugmom, Susan - 2/5/10
hatsarebetterthanwigs, Susie Hollingsworth - 2/16/10
abbyglp, Gale Louise Purifoy - 1/24/10
badboob67, Dianne - 2/2010
Steeny107, Michelle McAllister - 3/8/10
foxxf, Nicole - 2/21/10
wayover20, Patricia Alderete - 3/11/10
saint, Pat Wilson - 3/30/10
BonnieVA, Bonnie P. Kennedy - 3/16/10
Analemma, Brenda Roberts Funk - 4/15/10
Judiiiii, Judith K. Zemencuk - 3/3/10
kenzie57, Linda - 7/24/10
RobinTN, Robin - 6/29/10
zkacmom, Ginny Wood - 8/14/10
mason204, Cheryl - 8/19/10
BMDaley, Beth Daley - 8/22/10
Times3, Kendra - 8/2010
cwrightrn, Carole Wright - 9/12/10
AusAla or Beth Aus, Beth Ausborn - 9/24/10
nanalinda, Linda Henshaw - 9/24/10
egal, Ellen M. Gallagher - 9/17/10
heatherpalmerton, Heather Palmerton - 10/9/10
Irina - 10/14/10
dorfar, Dorothy Far Chrostek - 10/9/10
BCMomof3, Kristen - 10/27/10
EAD, Liz Cataldo -11/15/10
Tyra, Tyra Taylor-Hughes - 11/19/10
ChocolateLover, Michelle Brown - 12/8/10
Nine_Rugrats, Tonya - 12/2010
CarynRose, Caryn Rosenberg - 12/29/10
BMarie, Barbara Doss McLaren - 8/14/10
Angelsabove - 1/01/11
Melissa Braddy, MissyBraddy - 9/30/09
diana63 - 1/2011
Bopeep, Linora, MizSissy, Linda Swift - 1/17/11
Getwell, Pat - 1/15/11
Carolyn Habryl - 2/2011
LisaSDCA - 2/10/11
RobinWendy - 2/21/11
EyesOTex, Dana Crisp - 2/20/11
Melanie36 - 11/2010
DebZaz - 3/16/11
Olga Simkin Z"L - 3/23/11
khartoregon, Karen Hart - 3/1/11
g94u67, Jeannine Aresti - 4/13/11
teachersally8467, Sally C. Saroca-Pelington - 4/12/11
PauldingMom, Lisa Baumgart - 5/8/11
JustPayton, Samantha Pritchett - 5/18/11
BeckyOD, Rebecca Ponitzman Odonovan - 4/30/11
Pee, Paula Gerding - 6/10/11
luvmywife's wife, Amy - 4/5/11
konakat, Elizabeth Blair - 6/14/11
Leanneh, Leanne J. Hubley - 5/6/11
Robin-Kaye - 4/12/11
jleigh, Jennifer L. Phelps - 6/21/11
lindaa - 6/14/11
karendunn36 - 5/30/11
marshakb, Marsha K. Benningfield - 7/2/11
DARLENEDENISE, Darlene Denise Atkins - 5/30/11
mjsmom - 7/24/11
dragonfly, Debra - 5/7/11
Junie - 8/1/11
LibraryJenn, Jennifer Rae (Drury) Climenhaga - 7/22/2011
shan1171 - 8/18/11
sheaves, Donna - 9/7/11
katie11, Katie Staples - 8/4/11
Frankie_ , Francesca Foreman-McInnes - 2011
JoyRebecca, Joy Heady - 10/3/11
LC815, Linda Conner - 10/16/11
Goody, Marta Dailey Goodman - 9/14/11
Lashon2008, Lashon Baldwin - 10/2011
lisahugs1, Lisa Scznsny, - 10/2010
HollyinMich, 11/21/11 Lifestooshort, Laurie Ann Lasee - 11/10/11
mossybaby, Yvonne Depew - 12/13/11
Ruth1, Ruth Flick - 12/12/11
FightnF8, Lorelei - 1/1/12
LivingIt, Vivian Zoh Murphy - 1/10/12
Donnabee - 1/4/12
Ann R - 1/8/12
MJ6266,rd Luno Mary - 1/26/12
jloon, Jackie Mountford Lunot - 1/25/12
VC1, Vicki - 1/28/12
starbeauty, Esther - 2/9/12
Honeybear, Jennifer Killian - 2/14/12
Bruburn, Nicole Brufatto-Hepburn - 2/12/12
Alpal, Allison Orendorf Walter - 3/1/12
jintski, Sally - 3/2/12
LinTol, Linda Ann Toland - 1/31/12
EricV - 2/7/12
laurajane, Laura Jane Shively - 3/10/12
imbell, Mary Leila Bell - 1/9/12
Suze35 - 3/12/12
Deep81, Gurdeep Khangura - 1/2012
MBJ, Mary Jahn - 3/15/12
pamelajo, Pamela Jo Pruett - 7/5/11
BusQueen, Carie Gasperz - 3/2012
clemson93, Susan Barrineau Jones - 3/24/12
kathy36, Katherine Russell Rich - 4/3/12
Canchaser, Amy - 4/5/12
4everhopeful, Helen - 4/1/12
WingsofHope, Dana - 4/22/12
ksgeorge, Katrina George - 4/23/12
TexasKaren, Karen O'Briant - 4/27/12
elliem1207, Eleanor Miscioscia - 5/22/10
Jane_M, Jane Robert Murphy - 5/4/12
jeanne46 - 5/8/12
elleng, Joanna M. Klemm - 5/16/12
MJL, Martha Rall - 6/2012
stateofgrace33, Christine M. Cashell - 1/21/10
dreamwriter, Regina Evans - 7/2012
3katz, Amy - 6/21/12
blondelawyer, Lisa Worthington-Brown - 8/1/12
beccad - 8/6/12
jenn3, Jennifer Condit Grandolfo - 8/5/12
Reesie, Marie Giebel - 8/12/12
AngelaMBlack - 8/16/12
china, Dawn Watza - 8/14/12
marybe - 9/4/12
ma111 - 8/11/12
chillipadi, Carol Chua - 9/8/12
brenna - 10/1/12
lowrider54, Sharon - 11/21/12
Reneepals - 11/8/12
CTG - Laura McCarthy - 1/19/08
Kristen Lupton - 1/28/08
LeftyLu - 9/26/08
Tracy1964 - 10/15/08
heartwings59 - Gina Schonthaler - 10/26/08 UK
helen1 - Helen Mulloy, 12/18/08
hshi - Cindy Hunt, 11/18/08
Namid, Marlene Burt - 1/21/10
jankay - 9/19/2010
Bethmc, Beth McArdle - 3/21/11
Ladyjean or LJ, Lana Jean Healey - 4/24/11
Alicerainbow - 7/9/11
Olive
JulieAD or Cuddles, Julie Day Leavitt - 9/11/12
I found a wonderful community of breast cancer sisters at BCO when I was first diagnosed and those ladies offered a tremendous support system. The love, kindness, strength and knowledge surpassed any other resource.
The BCO discussion board has a long running Angel thread listing those who succumbed to this terrible disease. It's a humbling read and I check it regularly and say prayers for their families.
Here are the ladies who have passed since my diagnosis.
Lisa40 - Lisa Turner, 12/14/07
fitzpatti, Pat Fitzpatrick - 12/26/07
CY, b445, Cheryl Thomason - 2/19/08
Jenben25 - Jennifer Lynn Buron - 1/23/08
ForTheMoment - Erin Elise Van Dyke - 3/13/08
Debbie Miller - 3/13/08
Shepgirl - Kathryn Bronson - 3/12/08
Joanne1428 - Joanne Patricia Schweitzer - 3/19/08
fd411 - Ferne Dixon - 3/23/08
kelownagirl - Jill - 4/08
skirk - Sherri Kirk - friend of jonimb - 4/10/08
PaulaBeth - May 3, 2008
labradorsandra - Sandra Branton - 3/24/08
Valsul-Valerie Sullivan-Cheshire, UK - 6/13/08
ocinny414 - CindyKS - 6/16/08
KariLynn - Kari Lynn Spiers - Pittsburg, KS, 7/3/08
Kimmie39 - Kimberly Dawn Franklin - Winchester, VA 7/4/08
Pauline Jones - England - 6/7/08
Monica Pieterse - 27 yrs old - 7/10/08
Feeval, Valerie S.Juzna, - 9/26/08
Jacqueline Schevarth - 10/08
mother of mymothersbaby - 8/13/08
Melbourne Mum(Ruth) - June 30th 2008
JillT - Jill Tollefson - 10/08
jonimb - 10/22/08
jodian (Jodi Squire ) - 11/13/08
Tricia45 - 12/4/08
joyh (mother of kgodwin03) - 12/08
ShenD - 12/27/08 Bevnurse - - 10/29/08
Fancy - Kay Galipeau - 12/21/08
roja1955, Pat - 12/31/08
AlaskaDeb, Debbie Clonan - 1/25/09
HeatherBLocklear, "Annie Camel Tail", Annette Olsen-Fazi - 1/31/09
Blessed4, Angela Martinez-Medina - 2/14/09
freeariesonline, Robin Snyder - 2/10/09
CalGal, Julie - 2/19/09
Twink, Twilah Richardson - 2/22/09
arc229, Amy Comeau -3/3/09
slonedeb Deborah Lynne Slone - 4/3/09
Maya1 - 4/6/09
Patty4, Patricia A. Finnegan - 3/26/09
Toyful, Michelle Buffington - 4/27/09
sueeco, Sue Holmes - 5/6/09
waterlily, Ruth - 5/23/09
AZDarleen - 6/6/09
JerseyMaria, Donna Marie Dickscheid - 6/14/09
Kiminjax, Kim Barbato - 4/28/09
FLLoriK - 6/23/09
RanD, Randie Cipperly - 7/1/09
VickiG, Vicki Gallahue - 7/10/09
rooni, Rusty Tarbill - 7/14/09
ozzie2, Marion Wright (Australia) - 7/24/09
pinehouse, Lani - 8/12/09
debshusband's wife, Deb - 6/30/09
Debman, Deborah Mancini Wharff - 7/14/09
Cyberrand, Randy - 9/09
motherof3, Jennifer Anthony - 8/27/09
SunshineSmiles, Susan G. Elliot - 9/11/09
mena, Linda Minczuk - 9/14/09
Heidi_Ho - 9/30/09
virginiamom, Paula - 10/11/09
Mrs_X_Sunneedazee, Amber - 10/14/09
lv2cmp, Amy Vinson - 10-18-09
FloridaLady (FlaLady), Debbie - 10/20/09
geeta75, Geeta Morris - 10/21/09
TripleNeg, Stephanie Babb - 10/29/09
Swimfan, Robin Hoof - 10/22/09
Divine777, Divine Saleh - 6/19/09
WendyV - 11/4/09
lvtotravel, Lydia Schmock- 11/7/09
bettelou68, Bette George Dietrick - 11/28/09
Phyllis - 12/27/09
MREanes, Mike Eanes - 1/1/10
LynnW, Lynn Weymark - 10/20/09
riverinerabbit, Caerli - 1/18/10
kimmytoo - 1/10
denisela, Denise Parro - 1/24/10
Watson, Phyllis Gannon - 1/26/10
Kbugmom, Susan - 2/5/10
hatsarebetterthanwigs, Susie Hollingsworth - 2/16/10
abbyglp, Gale Louise Purifoy - 1/24/10
badboob67, Dianne - 2/2010
Steeny107, Michelle McAllister - 3/8/10
foxxf, Nicole - 2/21/10
wayover20, Patricia Alderete - 3/11/10
saint, Pat Wilson - 3/30/10
BonnieVA, Bonnie P. Kennedy - 3/16/10
Analemma, Brenda Roberts Funk - 4/15/10
Judiiiii, Judith K. Zemencuk - 3/3/10
kenzie57, Linda - 7/24/10
RobinTN, Robin - 6/29/10
zkacmom, Ginny Wood - 8/14/10
mason204, Cheryl - 8/19/10
BMDaley, Beth Daley - 8/22/10
Times3, Kendra - 8/2010
cwrightrn, Carole Wright - 9/12/10
AusAla or Beth Aus, Beth Ausborn - 9/24/10
nanalinda, Linda Henshaw - 9/24/10
egal, Ellen M. Gallagher - 9/17/10
heatherpalmerton, Heather Palmerton - 10/9/10
Irina - 10/14/10
dorfar, Dorothy Far Chrostek - 10/9/10
BCMomof3, Kristen - 10/27/10
EAD, Liz Cataldo -11/15/10
Tyra, Tyra Taylor-Hughes - 11/19/10
ChocolateLover, Michelle Brown - 12/8/10
Nine_Rugrats, Tonya - 12/2010
CarynRose, Caryn Rosenberg - 12/29/10
BMarie, Barbara Doss McLaren - 8/14/10
Angelsabove - 1/01/11
Melissa Braddy, MissyBraddy - 9/30/09
diana63 - 1/2011
Bopeep, Linora, MizSissy, Linda Swift - 1/17/11
Getwell, Pat - 1/15/11
Carolyn Habryl - 2/2011
LisaSDCA - 2/10/11
RobinWendy - 2/21/11
EyesOTex, Dana Crisp - 2/20/11
Melanie36 - 11/2010
DebZaz - 3/16/11
Olga Simkin Z"L - 3/23/11
khartoregon, Karen Hart - 3/1/11
g94u67, Jeannine Aresti - 4/13/11
teachersally8467, Sally C. Saroca-Pelington - 4/12/11
PauldingMom, Lisa Baumgart - 5/8/11
JustPayton, Samantha Pritchett - 5/18/11
BeckyOD, Rebecca Ponitzman Odonovan - 4/30/11
Pee, Paula Gerding - 6/10/11
luvmywife's wife, Amy - 4/5/11
konakat, Elizabeth Blair - 6/14/11
Leanneh, Leanne J. Hubley - 5/6/11
Robin-Kaye - 4/12/11
jleigh, Jennifer L. Phelps - 6/21/11
lindaa - 6/14/11
karendunn36 - 5/30/11
marshakb, Marsha K. Benningfield - 7/2/11
DARLENEDENISE, Darlene Denise Atkins - 5/30/11
mjsmom - 7/24/11
dragonfly, Debra - 5/7/11
Junie - 8/1/11
LibraryJenn, Jennifer Rae (Drury) Climenhaga - 7/22/2011
shan1171 - 8/18/11
sheaves, Donna - 9/7/11
katie11, Katie Staples - 8/4/11
Frankie_ , Francesca Foreman-McInnes - 2011
JoyRebecca, Joy Heady - 10/3/11
LC815, Linda Conner - 10/16/11
Goody, Marta Dailey Goodman - 9/14/11
Lashon2008, Lashon Baldwin - 10/2011
lisahugs1, Lisa Scznsny, - 10/2010
HollyinMich, 11/21/11 Lifestooshort, Laurie Ann Lasee - 11/10/11
mossybaby, Yvonne Depew - 12/13/11
Ruth1, Ruth Flick - 12/12/11
FightnF8, Lorelei - 1/1/12
LivingIt, Vivian Zoh Murphy - 1/10/12
Donnabee - 1/4/12
Ann R - 1/8/12
MJ6266,rd Luno Mary - 1/26/12
jloon, Jackie Mountford Lunot - 1/25/12
VC1, Vicki - 1/28/12
starbeauty, Esther - 2/9/12
Honeybear, Jennifer Killian - 2/14/12
Bruburn, Nicole Brufatto-Hepburn - 2/12/12
Alpal, Allison Orendorf Walter - 3/1/12
jintski, Sally - 3/2/12
LinTol, Linda Ann Toland - 1/31/12
EricV - 2/7/12
laurajane, Laura Jane Shively - 3/10/12
imbell, Mary Leila Bell - 1/9/12
Suze35 - 3/12/12
Deep81, Gurdeep Khangura - 1/2012
MBJ, Mary Jahn - 3/15/12
pamelajo, Pamela Jo Pruett - 7/5/11
BusQueen, Carie Gasperz - 3/2012
clemson93, Susan Barrineau Jones - 3/24/12
kathy36, Katherine Russell Rich - 4/3/12
Canchaser, Amy - 4/5/12
4everhopeful, Helen - 4/1/12
WingsofHope, Dana - 4/22/12
ksgeorge, Katrina George - 4/23/12
TexasKaren, Karen O'Briant - 4/27/12
elliem1207, Eleanor Miscioscia - 5/22/10
Jane_M, Jane Robert Murphy - 5/4/12
jeanne46 - 5/8/12
elleng, Joanna M. Klemm - 5/16/12
MJL, Martha Rall - 6/2012
stateofgrace33, Christine M. Cashell - 1/21/10
dreamwriter, Regina Evans - 7/2012
3katz, Amy - 6/21/12
blondelawyer, Lisa Worthington-Brown - 8/1/12
beccad - 8/6/12
jenn3, Jennifer Condit Grandolfo - 8/5/12
Reesie, Marie Giebel - 8/12/12
AngelaMBlack - 8/16/12
china, Dawn Watza - 8/14/12
marybe - 9/4/12
ma111 - 8/11/12
chillipadi, Carol Chua - 9/8/12
brenna - 10/1/12
lowrider54, Sharon - 11/21/12
Reneepals - 11/8/12
CTG - Laura McCarthy - 1/19/08
Kristen Lupton - 1/28/08
LeftyLu - 9/26/08
Tracy1964 - 10/15/08
heartwings59 - Gina Schonthaler - 10/26/08 UK
helen1 - Helen Mulloy, 12/18/08
hshi - Cindy Hunt, 11/18/08
Namid, Marlene Burt - 1/21/10
jankay - 9/19/2010
Bethmc, Beth McArdle - 3/21/11
Ladyjean or LJ, Lana Jean Healey - 4/24/11
Alicerainbow - 7/9/11
Olive
JulieAD or Cuddles, Julie Day Leavitt - 9/11/12
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
little things
It's very important to us that Cha grow up to be a wonderfully accepting, compassionate, and open minded woman. Since she was very young we talked to her about diversity and how people are free to love whomever their hearts tells them they love. We say that anyone can be together, as long as they love and care about each other, and no one is getting hurt. Boys can love boys, girls can love girls, and they can love each other.
One day I heard her talking with a friend. The girl had called a classmate gay and Cha said, 'It's okay to be gay, as long as he's happy.' Right on, baby.
But it seems that I've been concentrating too much on the same sex coupling side of diversity. The other night she asked me:
'Mom, is it okay for a white person to marry a Chinese person?'
We've never really discussed race, which I guess is a good thing since it shows her that it's not really an issue. I told her that yes, it's totally fine for different races to marry, providing they follow the golden rule - they have to love and care for each other, and not out to hurt anyone.
She said:
'Oh, okay.'
One day I heard her talking with a friend. The girl had called a classmate gay and Cha said, 'It's okay to be gay, as long as he's happy.' Right on, baby.
But it seems that I've been concentrating too much on the same sex coupling side of diversity. The other night she asked me:
'Mom, is it okay for a white person to marry a Chinese person?'
We've never really discussed race, which I guess is a good thing since it shows her that it's not really an issue. I told her that yes, it's totally fine for different races to marry, providing they follow the golden rule - they have to love and care for each other, and not out to hurt anyone.
She said:
'Oh, okay.'
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
journaling for the future
I started a journal for Cha before she was born. I'd write all the typical pregnancy details, telling her how much she was loved and wanted and then wrote out her birth story and her first few days of life. The journal includes ramblings on different topics I want her to know, and the 'real story' of things that are happening in her child hood. Such as, the real reason she's not allowed in a neighbor kid's house (because there are some drug issues and police involvement).
Such is the case for many new moms, I wrote in it pretty regularly for a while. And then I stopped. In my mind I didn't realize that I had stopped tho. Every night when I lay with her, putting her to bed, I write out in my mind journal entries. I draft them in my head with the intention of getting up once she fell asleep and put them down on paper. But then I'd fall asleep.
The other night I actually managed to stay awake and after she was out I got up and grabbed the book. I crept downstairs and sat on the couch to get caught up on my writing. I still can't believe what I saw.
The last entry in the book was September 29, 2006. The day of her first birthday. How is it possible that I haven't written anything in six years?! What was most disappointing was that I began the journal entry with how I was excited to celebrate her first birthday with.....
Then I stopped mid sentence. Ugh. I remember her first birthday clearly, tho I couldn't tell all the details. The food, the presents, her milestones. They are a faded memory. Not that it's necessarily important for her to know these things, but I actually enjoyed reading all the details up til that point. I had forgotten a bit of what was written, to be honest.
Such as this....when Cha was three weeks old we drove out west to introduce her to my parents and the rest of the family. I was a very nervous and unsure new mom and I was having a hard time with breastfeeding and pumping and making sure I wasn't breaking her. We were driving in Ohio and Cha had a massive blow out so we pulled over so I could change her. The blow out was so horrific that it was up her shirt, both front and back. The smell was almost blinding. I was not the most calm or graceful new mother so changing a mess of a diaper in the back seat of the car (did I mention it was 2 in the morning??) had me frazzled. Since I was a new mom and lacked experience I failed to pack a plastic bag to dispose of dirty diapers. There was no way I was going to keep that stink in the car so I threw it over my shoulder, onto the side of the side on the Ohio Turnpike. And that's when the state patrol pulled up and shined his light on me. I thought for sure he was going to arrest me for littering, or at least force me to go pick up the diaper. He got out of his car and started walking up to me. I cried out that my daughter had gotten sick and I had to change her clothes. He stopped dead in his tracks and thankfully kept his distance. He kept the spot light on me and waited for us to finish and drive off before he moved.
I tell this story to Cha every time we drive out west. She actually tells the story now and points out where it happened (she claims to remember the spot). Only it didn't happen in Ohio, it was Indiana, so says the journal. Thankfully the rest of it is correct.
So the other night I forced myself to stay up late and fill the journal in with the highlights of the last six years. I only got four years updated and skipped most of the details, which is sad because as they say the beauty is in the details.
Two days ago was the third anniversary of my brother's death. As expected, it hit me hard. I talked to Cha about him and I recounted some of my favorite memories. We talked about the drive out to my parent's house after he died and all the details surrounding that trip (including her calling the St. Louis Arch the castle where her brother lives). She asked how Uncle Keith died and I told her he was very sick and his body just broke down. That's enough to hold off a seven year old. In the journal however I wrote more detailed information regarding mental illness, depression and suicide. I'm hoping the 20 year old girl I imagine her to be when she reads this book will appreciate the honesty and agree that seven is a bit to young for such heavy topics. I also want her to know how powerfully strong her grandmother was, and understand how her death hit me so hard.
I'm looking forward to the day when she's old enough for adult conversations.
Such is the case for many new moms, I wrote in it pretty regularly for a while. And then I stopped. In my mind I didn't realize that I had stopped tho. Every night when I lay with her, putting her to bed, I write out in my mind journal entries. I draft them in my head with the intention of getting up once she fell asleep and put them down on paper. But then I'd fall asleep.
The other night I actually managed to stay awake and after she was out I got up and grabbed the book. I crept downstairs and sat on the couch to get caught up on my writing. I still can't believe what I saw.
The last entry in the book was September 29, 2006. The day of her first birthday. How is it possible that I haven't written anything in six years?! What was most disappointing was that I began the journal entry with how I was excited to celebrate her first birthday with.....
Then I stopped mid sentence. Ugh. I remember her first birthday clearly, tho I couldn't tell all the details. The food, the presents, her milestones. They are a faded memory. Not that it's necessarily important for her to know these things, but I actually enjoyed reading all the details up til that point. I had forgotten a bit of what was written, to be honest.
Such as this....when Cha was three weeks old we drove out west to introduce her to my parents and the rest of the family. I was a very nervous and unsure new mom and I was having a hard time with breastfeeding and pumping and making sure I wasn't breaking her. We were driving in Ohio and Cha had a massive blow out so we pulled over so I could change her. The blow out was so horrific that it was up her shirt, both front and back. The smell was almost blinding. I was not the most calm or graceful new mother so changing a mess of a diaper in the back seat of the car (did I mention it was 2 in the morning??) had me frazzled. Since I was a new mom and lacked experience I failed to pack a plastic bag to dispose of dirty diapers. There was no way I was going to keep that stink in the car so I threw it over my shoulder, onto the side of the side on the Ohio Turnpike. And that's when the state patrol pulled up and shined his light on me. I thought for sure he was going to arrest me for littering, or at least force me to go pick up the diaper. He got out of his car and started walking up to me. I cried out that my daughter had gotten sick and I had to change her clothes. He stopped dead in his tracks and thankfully kept his distance. He kept the spot light on me and waited for us to finish and drive off before he moved.
I tell this story to Cha every time we drive out west. She actually tells the story now and points out where it happened (she claims to remember the spot). Only it didn't happen in Ohio, it was Indiana, so says the journal. Thankfully the rest of it is correct.
So the other night I forced myself to stay up late and fill the journal in with the highlights of the last six years. I only got four years updated and skipped most of the details, which is sad because as they say the beauty is in the details.
Two days ago was the third anniversary of my brother's death. As expected, it hit me hard. I talked to Cha about him and I recounted some of my favorite memories. We talked about the drive out to my parent's house after he died and all the details surrounding that trip (including her calling the St. Louis Arch the castle where her brother lives). She asked how Uncle Keith died and I told her he was very sick and his body just broke down. That's enough to hold off a seven year old. In the journal however I wrote more detailed information regarding mental illness, depression and suicide. I'm hoping the 20 year old girl I imagine her to be when she reads this book will appreciate the honesty and agree that seven is a bit to young for such heavy topics. I also want her to know how powerfully strong her grandmother was, and understand how her death hit me so hard.
I'm looking forward to the day when she's old enough for adult conversations.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
getting there
This has been my 2012.
I am really looking forward to 2013. I'm excited to start a fresh new year.
I am really looking forward to 2013. I'm excited to start a fresh new year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)