It's Sunday night and I'm heading back to work tomorrow morning. I've got to say that I'm feeling great both mentally and physically. Woo Hoo! It's about time.
We put the tree up this weekend and checked off a dozen items on our home project list. My dear friend Rachel freecycle'd us a beautiful armoire that she's no longer using. Uncle Mike was awesome and helped Matt carry it up and down two flights of stairs. It looks beautiful on our landing and I actually had fun organizing our linens.
I love having extra energy to get things done and I pray it continues.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Braggy and a bit Controversal
My friend Val has a daughter who will be three in a couple of weeks. Little Cait uses a hearing aid but I am hesitant to ever refer to her as even the least bit disabled. The kid's got a huge personality and never lets anything or anyone hold her back.
Because of her hearing loss she receives extra attention in regards to her development. She recently took some early intervention tests, I guess to see what she'll need before she starts kindergarten. Val was shocked that her little two year old tested at the six year old level. She knows her colors, numbers, letters and clearly answered questions and processed information.
Val thinks it was a faulty test or a fluke. I think the tests are antiquated. Most of the women in my working moms group have their children in daycare facilities that teach a curriculum. Cha brings home a homework folder ever Monday and she receives report cards several times a year. Her school teaches her things that honestly I don't think I would have thought of if I was a stay at home mom. Sure, I can teach her right from wrong, being compassionate and caring towards others and how to snuggle four kitties without making any of them feel left out. However, I don't think I have the skill set to come up with a proper lesson plan for a toddler every day.
Daycare kids have a tremendous head start on kindergarten and first grade. They are familiar with the school setting and know what's expected of them socially. In most cases they know the alphabet, numbers, can recite their full names and addresses and have already begun to read. This certainly doesn't make them better people but as far as testing is concerned I can absolutely see how a near-3 year old would test at a 6 year level.
Cha blows me away every day with the new things she's learned. Today she drew detailed pictures of a fish and a snowman. She also lined up all her stuffed animals and played school. She stood in front of her class proclaiming 'Now boys and girls, listen up as I tell a story.' Then she went on to tell this very imaginative (and somewhat baffling) story about a boy and a princess.
While people who are anti-daycare will complain that they don't want anyone else to raise their children, they don't understand the difference between parenting and providing care. Cha has an incredible bond with my parents and Matt's parents. She doesn't see them on a daily basis but she loves them just the same and she knows the difference between her teachers and her family.
Because of her hearing loss she receives extra attention in regards to her development. She recently took some early intervention tests, I guess to see what she'll need before she starts kindergarten. Val was shocked that her little two year old tested at the six year old level. She knows her colors, numbers, letters and clearly answered questions and processed information.
Val thinks it was a faulty test or a fluke. I think the tests are antiquated. Most of the women in my working moms group have their children in daycare facilities that teach a curriculum. Cha brings home a homework folder ever Monday and she receives report cards several times a year. Her school teaches her things that honestly I don't think I would have thought of if I was a stay at home mom. Sure, I can teach her right from wrong, being compassionate and caring towards others and how to snuggle four kitties without making any of them feel left out. However, I don't think I have the skill set to come up with a proper lesson plan for a toddler every day.
Daycare kids have a tremendous head start on kindergarten and first grade. They are familiar with the school setting and know what's expected of them socially. In most cases they know the alphabet, numbers, can recite their full names and addresses and have already begun to read. This certainly doesn't make them better people but as far as testing is concerned I can absolutely see how a near-3 year old would test at a 6 year level.
Cha blows me away every day with the new things she's learned. Today she drew detailed pictures of a fish and a snowman. She also lined up all her stuffed animals and played school. She stood in front of her class proclaiming 'Now boys and girls, listen up as I tell a story.' Then she went on to tell this very imaginative (and somewhat baffling) story about a boy and a princess.
While people who are anti-daycare will complain that they don't want anyone else to raise their children, they don't understand the difference between parenting and providing care. Cha has an incredible bond with my parents and Matt's parents. She doesn't see them on a daily basis but she loves them just the same and she knows the difference between her teachers and her family.
Black Friday Midnight Madness
I ventured out to the Midnight Madness sale at the Philadelphia Premium Outlets on Black Friday. I knew we were in for a wild night but had no idea how bad the traffic would be. I feel sorry for people who lived near the mall and hope they had no place to go.
Here's my Photo Story:
I took a picture of myself standing on the corner at 11:30 waiting for my friend Mariana to pick me up. Yes, I felt a little trampy standing on a corner after dark.
Ridge Pike near the Limerick Airport. It was bumper to bumper for about 3 miles. Route 422 was even worse.
Mariana in her car. I enjoyed getting out and walking a bit. I needed to stretch my legs.
The clock said 12:53, nearly and hour and a half after Mariana picked me up.
And at 12:53 we were still waiting to get in the parking lot for the mall.
So close, yet so far.
I can almost touch it, but we still had another half hour til we were out of the car.
Tow trucks were taking away cars that were illegally parked. You can imagine how the tow trucks added to the congestion.
More parking messes.
This was 2:30 am. People were everywhere, but it was very civil.
This was the wait at Starbucks at 3:00 am. I think Starbucks and the tow company made the most money that night.
3:09 am and finally back in our car. The ride home was smooth sailing. We saw a couple dozen open parking spaces as we left, but it was still pretty crowded.
I'm glad we went and I did have fun. We circled the whole mall but I didn't buy much. I walked in KB Toys hoping to pick up a few things but immediately turned around. Mariana lasted five minutes longer than me. It was just too packed. I also went in the Osh Kosh store and found and couple great deals but couldn't see myself waiting in a half hour line for children's socks, underwear and mittens.
We went in the Columbia store hoping to pick up a couple sweaters or shirts for Matty, but their inventory was lacking. It almost seemed like an after Christmas sale. Very disappointing, but I guess that's how retail stores are staying afloat.
The highlight of the evening had to be the near riot in the parking lot. After driving around for a half hour we spotted a couple just leaving the mall and walking to their car. We asked them if we could drive them and steal their parking spot. They said they'd walk but we should follow and they'd save it for us. You can imagine how the other cars waiting for spots felt to see us drive right up. One car got really angry and I thought they were going to plow right into us. I had to get out and stand in front of their car so Mariana could park. It got ugly.
Here's my Photo Story:
I took a picture of myself standing on the corner at 11:30 waiting for my friend Mariana to pick me up. Yes, I felt a little trampy standing on a corner after dark.
Ridge Pike near the Limerick Airport. It was bumper to bumper for about 3 miles. Route 422 was even worse.
Mariana in her car. I enjoyed getting out and walking a bit. I needed to stretch my legs.
The clock said 12:53, nearly and hour and a half after Mariana picked me up.
And at 12:53 we were still waiting to get in the parking lot for the mall.
So close, yet so far.
I can almost touch it, but we still had another half hour til we were out of the car.
Tow trucks were taking away cars that were illegally parked. You can imagine how the tow trucks added to the congestion.
More parking messes.
This was 2:30 am. People were everywhere, but it was very civil.
Mariana LOVES this picture! This is proof that you were there girlfriend.
This was the wait at Starbucks at 3:00 am. I think Starbucks and the tow company made the most money that night.
3:09 am and finally back in our car. The ride home was smooth sailing. We saw a couple dozen open parking spaces as we left, but it was still pretty crowded.I'm glad we went and I did have fun. We circled the whole mall but I didn't buy much. I walked in KB Toys hoping to pick up a few things but immediately turned around. Mariana lasted five minutes longer than me. It was just too packed. I also went in the Osh Kosh store and found and couple great deals but couldn't see myself waiting in a half hour line for children's socks, underwear and mittens.
We went in the Columbia store hoping to pick up a couple sweaters or shirts for Matty, but their inventory was lacking. It almost seemed like an after Christmas sale. Very disappointing, but I guess that's how retail stores are staying afloat.
The highlight of the evening had to be the near riot in the parking lot. After driving around for a half hour we spotted a couple just leaving the mall and walking to their car. We asked them if we could drive them and steal their parking spot. They said they'd walk but we should follow and they'd save it for us. You can imagine how the other cars waiting for spots felt to see us drive right up. One car got really angry and I thought they were going to plow right into us. I had to get out and stand in front of their car so Mariana could park. It got ugly.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
A Day of Giving Thanks
Today was perfect. Other than a few moments with an overly tired 3 year old, the day couldn't have been any better. We had planned to start the day with a walk along the Perkiomen Trail but when we parked we noticed a dog park and Cha just had to check out the puppies.
We watched from outside the fence for a little while but Cha wasn't satisfied with just watching. She had to get in on the action. I was a bit apprehensive about taking her inside the pen but a woman there assured me that it would be fine. She brings her granddaughter there and the dogs are all friendly.
So we ventured in and Cha spent the next hour running with the dogs. She chased them and tossed balls. There were two incredible Great Danes who were as friendly as they were tall. The two of them were running after a Sheep Dog who was a real angel. Cha's favorite was Sundance, a three legged Golden Retriever. She was the sweetest little girl and was so happy.
When we got home we tried for two hours to get Cha to nap but it just wasn't happening. She was too wound up and full of energy, so she helped out in the kitchen. I had picked up a small 6 lb turkey for the three of us but Matt got a giant 22 lb one from work that he wanted to roast. The three of us had fun in the kitchen making our Thanksgiving meal.
Today I am thankful for my wonderful family of three and for the fun we have together. We have our ups and downs but Matt and I provide a very loving and playful home for our little girl.
Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my 'bad mammogram'. I am breathing much easier today than I was a year ago. I'm looking forward to next year being even better.
I hope you had a fulfilling Thanksgiving.
We watched from outside the fence for a little while but Cha wasn't satisfied with just watching. She had to get in on the action. I was a bit apprehensive about taking her inside the pen but a woman there assured me that it would be fine. She brings her granddaughter there and the dogs are all friendly.
So we ventured in and Cha spent the next hour running with the dogs. She chased them and tossed balls. There were two incredible Great Danes who were as friendly as they were tall. The two of them were running after a Sheep Dog who was a real angel. Cha's favorite was Sundance, a three legged Golden Retriever. She was the sweetest little girl and was so happy.
When we got home we tried for two hours to get Cha to nap but it just wasn't happening. She was too wound up and full of energy, so she helped out in the kitchen. I had picked up a small 6 lb turkey for the three of us but Matt got a giant 22 lb one from work that he wanted to roast. The three of us had fun in the kitchen making our Thanksgiving meal.
Today I am thankful for my wonderful family of three and for the fun we have together. We have our ups and downs but Matt and I provide a very loving and playful home for our little girl.
Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my 'bad mammogram'. I am breathing much easier today than I was a year ago. I'm looking forward to next year being even better.
I hope you had a fulfilling Thanksgiving.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Hmmmm
The appt with Dr. S went well this afternoon. I only had to wait a minute til he brought me back to the exam room and he immediately took the bandages off. I think he was more excited to see my reaction than I was to see the final product.
I could tell he was very happy with his art work. He had me stand up and look in the mirror and then watched my face to see how I'd react. I was a little disappointed but tried to fake it. If I squint I can get a good idea of how things will look but right now they are still a gooey mess. He didn't pull the stitches out and the nipples are bloody and swollen. I was hoping they'd be a bit more healed, tho I'm not sure why. The initial incision on my abdomen is just now starting to fade and it's been nearly a year. Of course the nipples should be red and swollen.
I have to say tho that the breasts feel much more natural than they did six months ago. They are falling into a natural shape and there isn't the hard lumpy area like implants. This time next year they'll be perfect and the scars will be much less noticeable. I am very happy that I opted for the DIEP and for the choice of surgeon.
I could tell he was very happy with his art work. He had me stand up and look in the mirror and then watched my face to see how I'd react. I was a little disappointed but tried to fake it. If I squint I can get a good idea of how things will look but right now they are still a gooey mess. He didn't pull the stitches out and the nipples are bloody and swollen. I was hoping they'd be a bit more healed, tho I'm not sure why. The initial incision on my abdomen is just now starting to fade and it's been nearly a year. Of course the nipples should be red and swollen.
I have to say tho that the breasts feel much more natural than they did six months ago. They are falling into a natural shape and there isn't the hard lumpy area like implants. This time next year they'll be perfect and the scars will be much less noticeable. I am very happy that I opted for the DIEP and for the choice of surgeon.
Ick
Seven day old bandages really stink. Especially when they're basically right below your nose. I can't get away from it. Dr. S told me not to get the bandages wet or remove them. The tape has been peeling off so I've just been putting more on. I look a mess and still smell like surgery.
I have an appt this afternoon to remove the bandages and the stitches. I'll finally be able to get a look at things. The bandages on my stomach and groin fell off over the weekend, thankfully. Dr. S wasn't as concerned about those so I wasn't going to bother with taping them in place.
The incisions in my groin are the most painful. They're also restricting movement. I'm aware of them with every step I take which I guess is a good thing because it forces me to take it easy. He did a good job with the placement and sewing me back up. Once things heal I doubt I'll ever notice the scars.
Because of the pain I've been keeping myself drugged up. I never really took the pain killers too much with the other surgeries, or at least not this long. I quickly transitioned to Tylenol and that did the trick. Now I am so uncomfortable with movement and sleeping that I take the Vicodin several times a day. I haven't been very good with phone calls or emails. I'll remember it and then forget it. Sorry if I forgot you.
Later this morning I am going to venture out and pick up the goodies for our Thanksgiving meal. Matt, Cha and I will be celebrating on our own and it's going to be fun.
I'll update later today when I am bandage free and get a chance to shower.
I have an appt this afternoon to remove the bandages and the stitches. I'll finally be able to get a look at things. The bandages on my stomach and groin fell off over the weekend, thankfully. Dr. S wasn't as concerned about those so I wasn't going to bother with taping them in place.
The incisions in my groin are the most painful. They're also restricting movement. I'm aware of them with every step I take which I guess is a good thing because it forces me to take it easy. He did a good job with the placement and sewing me back up. Once things heal I doubt I'll ever notice the scars.
Because of the pain I've been keeping myself drugged up. I never really took the pain killers too much with the other surgeries, or at least not this long. I quickly transitioned to Tylenol and that did the trick. Now I am so uncomfortable with movement and sleeping that I take the Vicodin several times a day. I haven't been very good with phone calls or emails. I'll remember it and then forget it. Sorry if I forgot you.
Later this morning I am going to venture out and pick up the goodies for our Thanksgiving meal. Matt, Cha and I will be celebrating on our own and it's going to be fun.
I'll update later today when I am bandage free and get a chance to shower.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Thankful Thursday
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Lots to be thankful for this week before Thanksgiving.
1. I'm thankful that I survived my final reconstructive surgery. Yahoo! I am going to miss the staff at the surgery center who were always so warm and friendly. It was a nice contrast to the hospital nurses who I complained about last February.
2. I am thankful for my kitties who haven't left my side this week. Tigger actually provided the laugh of the week when this morning I watched him jump up in the air and flip the light switch. That kitty is a trip. There was a bug on my bedroom ceiling months ago and Tigger stood on my bed and jumped straight up and caught it.
3. I am thankful for MIL for taking Cha to school the past couple of days. Cha just loves her Mimi and talks about her constantly. I'm thankful that they've got such a good relationship. I wish I had lived closed to my grandmother when I was growing up.
4. I am thankful for pain killers, antibiotics, Mucinex, and ice cold water.
5. I am thankful for Mob Wars on Facebook for keeping my cluttered brain entertained the past couple of days. Egads is that app addicting.
6. I am thankful for Jaime for having the girls over two times this past week. She always provides such a welcoming atmosphere and Cha and I both love to relax at her house.
7. I am thankful that the weather has been as nice as it has, until today. We got our first freezing rain and snow and it was chilly picking up Cha this afternoon.
8. I am thankful for Connie and Kristin and Lisa and Val and Kelly for checking up on me and making me feel comfortable.
9. I am praying that this time tomorrow night I will be thankful that Robin R is recovering from an uneventful bilateral mastectomy.
10. I am thankful that this house has three levels and that I'm able to get exercise walking from the second floor to the basement several times a day. Lord knows I'll be too stinky to get out of the house much this weekend and I need to walk around or I'll go bonkers.
Lots to be thankful for this week before Thanksgiving.
1. I'm thankful that I survived my final reconstructive surgery. Yahoo! I am going to miss the staff at the surgery center who were always so warm and friendly. It was a nice contrast to the hospital nurses who I complained about last February.
2. I am thankful for my kitties who haven't left my side this week. Tigger actually provided the laugh of the week when this morning I watched him jump up in the air and flip the light switch. That kitty is a trip. There was a bug on my bedroom ceiling months ago and Tigger stood on my bed and jumped straight up and caught it.
3. I am thankful for MIL for taking Cha to school the past couple of days. Cha just loves her Mimi and talks about her constantly. I'm thankful that they've got such a good relationship. I wish I had lived closed to my grandmother when I was growing up.
4. I am thankful for pain killers, antibiotics, Mucinex, and ice cold water.
5. I am thankful for Mob Wars on Facebook for keeping my cluttered brain entertained the past couple of days. Egads is that app addicting.
6. I am thankful for Jaime for having the girls over two times this past week. She always provides such a welcoming atmosphere and Cha and I both love to relax at her house.
7. I am thankful that the weather has been as nice as it has, until today. We got our first freezing rain and snow and it was chilly picking up Cha this afternoon.
8. I am thankful for Connie and Kristin and Lisa and Val and Kelly for checking up on me and making me feel comfortable.
9. I am praying that this time tomorrow night I will be thankful that Robin R is recovering from an uneventful bilateral mastectomy.
10. I am thankful that this house has three levels and that I'm able to get exercise walking from the second floor to the basement several times a day. Lord knows I'll be too stinky to get out of the house much this weekend and I need to walk around or I'll go bonkers.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
No Comparison
My current dose of Vicodin brought on a bit of mental clarity, if you can believe that. Altho I'm pretty sure they said LSD did the same and look how those people turned out. This entire post might just turn into a stream of blabbering
The root of my depression and anxiety issues have to be related to the way I've been trying to kick my 'bad mood'. Whenever I'm feeling down or especially anxious I tell myself that there's no reason to feel bad. Life is good. I am cancer free, I had a very minor cancer and didn't even have to deal with chemo or rads. I am better now and compared to others, life is easy!
Talk about belittling your own feelings. It's no surprise that trick hasn't worked.
This was my experience today. Matt and I dropped Cha off at daycare at 7:45 and made it to the surgery center at 8:30. While sitting in the waiting room Dr. S came by and chatted for a moment. He said he had a busy day with four breast cancer patients. One he just finished was having revisions to her breast reconstruction. After me he had two surgeries at two separate hospitals. That's a long day. My first thought was 'wow, my day is easy in comparison.'
When Dr. S left a man walked into the surgery center. He told the woman at the front desk that he had to drop off his baby with the grandparents but was there to see his wife. His wife was Dr. S's first patient and the front desk woman said he would be with him in a minute. I looked at the man and got sad. He was younger than me and I assumed that his wife was as well. They had a baby at home and the husband looked very tired and worried. They must certainly have it harder than me, so why am I complaining?
The nurse took me into an examining room where I put on my gown and she poked a hole in my arm. She then went to get Matt. While she was gone I heard a boy's cry. He was in the next room. I thought maybe he was there visiting his mom. There was lots of activity and the boy was so upset. Next thing I know the nurse is walking his parents out to the waiting room. Eek, that boy is getting surgery! Matt walked in and I told him how silly I felt crying when I wasn't a child, or the parent of that child.
Dr. S came in and I stripped down so he could start marking on me. For the 20th or 30th time I stood there naked in front of a relative stranger. I have a lot of respect for Dr. S and I trust him, obviously with my life! While I have never felt any sort of inappropriate weirdness during those 'special' times, it is an incredibly vulnerable experience. I start to tell myself that this is how cancer has violated me. This is cancer's doing. But then I hush myself and say I can't allow those negative thoughts because cancer is not winning, I am. Then I make nonsense chatter with Dr. S to try to take my mind off how unnatural it feels.
As Dr. S was marking me I briefly looked to my left and saw the tube coming out of my arm was filled with blood. I remember saying 'what was that?' then reached for the bed. I got dizzy and nearly fainted. Dr. S caught me mid-way. The blood was coming out of my arm and into the tube, which is natural since I was standing up with my arms down to my side. Silly me for getting upset, right?
The surgery was fine with no complications. It was longer than I thought and Matt ended up reading the same newspapers over and over again while he waited. Then I woke up.
I startled myself. I freaked out wondering where I was and why I was in so much pain. I must have been flailing about because three people came over and helped me settle me back onto the bed. For some reason I had to sit up. I kept saying how much pain I was in and how I needed to sit up. I thought something was wrong because it never hurt this bad before. Last time was much easier. I opened my eyes and a half hour later I was getting myself dressed. Today while the nurse helped me get to the bathroom and dressed I felt like such an idiot. All the way home I was telling myself that things were fine and I should just mellow out.
Well, things are fine but then sometimes they're not. Sometimes I am afraid, sad, lonely, hurt, self-conscience, feel unworthy and unwanted and all out depressed. These are my feelings and I get mad at myself over them and try to belittle them away. I am constantly comparing myself to people who have it worse to minimize my experience. No wonder the depression won't go away. I am beating myself up.
Yes there are people who had far more advanced cancer than mine. Little boys get sick and diseases spread. One thing that I need to remind myself is that when cancer is involved, every case is sad. Every case is individual. No two people will react exactly the same because no two people are exactly the same. There is no comparison.
The root of my depression and anxiety issues have to be related to the way I've been trying to kick my 'bad mood'. Whenever I'm feeling down or especially anxious I tell myself that there's no reason to feel bad. Life is good. I am cancer free, I had a very minor cancer and didn't even have to deal with chemo or rads. I am better now and compared to others, life is easy!
Talk about belittling your own feelings. It's no surprise that trick hasn't worked.
This was my experience today. Matt and I dropped Cha off at daycare at 7:45 and made it to the surgery center at 8:30. While sitting in the waiting room Dr. S came by and chatted for a moment. He said he had a busy day with four breast cancer patients. One he just finished was having revisions to her breast reconstruction. After me he had two surgeries at two separate hospitals. That's a long day. My first thought was 'wow, my day is easy in comparison.'
When Dr. S left a man walked into the surgery center. He told the woman at the front desk that he had to drop off his baby with the grandparents but was there to see his wife. His wife was Dr. S's first patient and the front desk woman said he would be with him in a minute. I looked at the man and got sad. He was younger than me and I assumed that his wife was as well. They had a baby at home and the husband looked very tired and worried. They must certainly have it harder than me, so why am I complaining?
The nurse took me into an examining room where I put on my gown and she poked a hole in my arm. She then went to get Matt. While she was gone I heard a boy's cry. He was in the next room. I thought maybe he was there visiting his mom. There was lots of activity and the boy was so upset. Next thing I know the nurse is walking his parents out to the waiting room. Eek, that boy is getting surgery! Matt walked in and I told him how silly I felt crying when I wasn't a child, or the parent of that child.
Dr. S came in and I stripped down so he could start marking on me. For the 20th or 30th time I stood there naked in front of a relative stranger. I have a lot of respect for Dr. S and I trust him, obviously with my life! While I have never felt any sort of inappropriate weirdness during those 'special' times, it is an incredibly vulnerable experience. I start to tell myself that this is how cancer has violated me. This is cancer's doing. But then I hush myself and say I can't allow those negative thoughts because cancer is not winning, I am. Then I make nonsense chatter with Dr. S to try to take my mind off how unnatural it feels.
As Dr. S was marking me I briefly looked to my left and saw the tube coming out of my arm was filled with blood. I remember saying 'what was that?' then reached for the bed. I got dizzy and nearly fainted. Dr. S caught me mid-way. The blood was coming out of my arm and into the tube, which is natural since I was standing up with my arms down to my side. Silly me for getting upset, right?
The surgery was fine with no complications. It was longer than I thought and Matt ended up reading the same newspapers over and over again while he waited. Then I woke up.
I startled myself. I freaked out wondering where I was and why I was in so much pain. I must have been flailing about because three people came over and helped me settle me back onto the bed. For some reason I had to sit up. I kept saying how much pain I was in and how I needed to sit up. I thought something was wrong because it never hurt this bad before. Last time was much easier. I opened my eyes and a half hour later I was getting myself dressed. Today while the nurse helped me get to the bathroom and dressed I felt like such an idiot. All the way home I was telling myself that things were fine and I should just mellow out.
Well, things are fine but then sometimes they're not. Sometimes I am afraid, sad, lonely, hurt, self-conscience, feel unworthy and unwanted and all out depressed. These are my feelings and I get mad at myself over them and try to belittle them away. I am constantly comparing myself to people who have it worse to minimize my experience. No wonder the depression won't go away. I am beating myself up.
Yes there are people who had far more advanced cancer than mine. Little boys get sick and diseases spread. One thing that I need to remind myself is that when cancer is involved, every case is sad. Every case is individual. No two people will react exactly the same because no two people are exactly the same. There is no comparison.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thankful Thursday - The Jens
See if you can find a theme....1. First and foremost I am thankful for Jen who created the wonderful Thankful Thursday image above. She also inspired me to remember that despite everything, I have much to be thankful for. I've been reading her Thankful Thursday posts for a while and figured I had to steal the idea. Those two things pale in comparison however to the gratitude I have towards her for her kindness and ability to overlook 'things'. We have had more than a few snarky exchanges in the past but I have come to respect her and appreciate her words more than she knows.
2. Second I am thankful for Jen S whose husband is a local policeman. She has managed to arrange a Safety Meeup for the kids in the mom's group this weekend. They are trying to get a firetruck and rescue van too. I'm really excited to have our own little tour of a police car and know that Cha is going to love meeting a cop.
3. I am also thankful for Meetup Jen, who co-organizes one of the Meetup groups I am involved in. She's a total stranger but, like a good cookbook or dictionary, she's a great source of information and I've gotten a lot out of her advice. I would love to sit down and chat with her over a large pot of coffee. Maybe next time I'm in Iowa
4. Jenni is a fellow September Mama who just gave birth to her second child. She has also been a good source for advice as well and as we've faced some of the same struggles I appreciate her point of view. She had a rough pregnancy and a tough last couple of weeks. I am thankful that her darling young son is home and the family is healthy.
5. Jennifer Aniston is, well you all know who she is. As much as I think Brad Pitt is one handsome man, he's also a skunk for cheating on Jennifer when they were married. I am certainly Team Jen, even tho she can be a bit whiny. Anyway, I am thankful for her sake that she finally came around to finally speaking out about how 'uncool' Angelina Jolie was. (Sometimes you gotta let the cheesy gossip feed your soul.)
6. I am super thankful for Jen over at Cake Wrecks for the laugh a day. Seriously, what a hoot!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Something I'm pondering
I read many blogs, some daily and some when I remember. There are two that I read every night - Tabsmom and Cari. Both have made me feel weak, strong, grateful, selfish and whiny. I started reading their blogs a year ago when I started my breast cancer journey. I have continued to read them because they are both compelling and strong women. I am guessing that in real life I don't have too much in common with either, other than being mothers and having breast cancer, but I have deep respect for them.
Anyway, Tabsmom recently posted something that really got me thinking.
b. Those who have not suffered cancer need to be protected from its painful realities. That sounds harsh and likely patronizing, but it is true. Do my friends and family really need to know the explicit details of my pain, sadness, anxieties? No. To what end would that information benefit them or me?
(The full text is here.)
Now I read this days after my lastest post on depression. It's kept me from further posting about what's going on in my head. Yesterday I had a therapy session and spoke about the pros and cons. The cons of putting my thoughts and feelings out there are plenty. Friends, family, co-workers, strangers know my deepest thoughts and can very well throw them back at me one day. I've hurt the feelings of people I love by speaking my mind (as twisted as my mind may be) tho I never intended to be hurtful.
The pros have also been plenty. Blogging is very liberating and cathartic. My goal has always been to put my truth out there and share what is going on with this disease and how my life is changing. On the days when I struggled with posting, knowing that friends would be reading it, I concentrated on an audience of newly diagnosed cancer patients. Strangers I didn't know who were just lurking, just as I did when I first stumbled on Tabsmom and Cari's blogs.
Do my parents and in-laws need to know how terribly sad I am on any given day? Not particularly, especially since it must be painful to know there's nothing they can do to help. Does it serve any purpose for my co-workers or friends to keep updated? Again, no. But a small voice reminds me that it's healthy to put it out there, even tho it makes me feel very vulnerable.
Anyway, my depression and anxiety have been all over the place lately. I achieved the near-impossible today and actually made it to my desk at work. It took several internal pep-talks from the car to the front door and a whole lot of advice from my therapist, but I did it.
I apologize if that hurts. Others have triumphed over much worse and have larger struggles than I do but I'm just working with what I got.
Anyway, Tabsmom recently posted something that really got me thinking.
b. Those who have not suffered cancer need to be protected from its painful realities. That sounds harsh and likely patronizing, but it is true. Do my friends and family really need to know the explicit details of my pain, sadness, anxieties? No. To what end would that information benefit them or me?
(The full text is here.)
Now I read this days after my lastest post on depression. It's kept me from further posting about what's going on in my head. Yesterday I had a therapy session and spoke about the pros and cons. The cons of putting my thoughts and feelings out there are plenty. Friends, family, co-workers, strangers know my deepest thoughts and can very well throw them back at me one day. I've hurt the feelings of people I love by speaking my mind (as twisted as my mind may be) tho I never intended to be hurtful.
The pros have also been plenty. Blogging is very liberating and cathartic. My goal has always been to put my truth out there and share what is going on with this disease and how my life is changing. On the days when I struggled with posting, knowing that friends would be reading it, I concentrated on an audience of newly diagnosed cancer patients. Strangers I didn't know who were just lurking, just as I did when I first stumbled on Tabsmom and Cari's blogs.
Do my parents and in-laws need to know how terribly sad I am on any given day? Not particularly, especially since it must be painful to know there's nothing they can do to help. Does it serve any purpose for my co-workers or friends to keep updated? Again, no. But a small voice reminds me that it's healthy to put it out there, even tho it makes me feel very vulnerable.
Anyway, my depression and anxiety have been all over the place lately. I achieved the near-impossible today and actually made it to my desk at work. It took several internal pep-talks from the car to the front door and a whole lot of advice from my therapist, but I did it.
I apologize if that hurts. Others have triumphed over much worse and have larger struggles than I do but I'm just working with what I got.
What about 'Drank the Obama Juice'?
:
Oxford compiles a list of top ten irritating phrases.
Oxford compiles a list of top ten irritating phrases.
The top ten most irritating phrases:
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science
I, personally cringe when people say #3. It's one of my pet peeves.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Happy Halloween
I got one picture from Trick or Treating last night before the battery in my camera died. Super bummer. Cha had a wonderful time. We walked with friends down a very crowded street. It was madness but totally worth it.
One of the houses hosted a haunted maze and altho they promised to go easy on the young ones, it was friggen scary! There was a pig roasting over an open pit and a monster getting in the kid's faces saying he was going to rip off their legs and cook them. Hmmm, not the best thing to say to 3 and 4 year olds. Cha was screaming but she laughed at the end and has been talking about it ever since.
She loved running up to front doors and screaming Trick or Treat, Smell my Feet! Can't imagine where she got that.
I'll post more pics if I can steal them from others.
Here are a couple pics of a costume party last weekend. Snow White's tiara has gone missing. Maybe the kitties chewed it up.
One of the houses hosted a haunted maze and altho they promised to go easy on the young ones, it was friggen scary! There was a pig roasting over an open pit and a monster getting in the kid's faces saying he was going to rip off their legs and cook them. Hmmm, not the best thing to say to 3 and 4 year olds. Cha was screaming but she laughed at the end and has been talking about it ever since.
She loved running up to front doors and screaming Trick or Treat, Smell my Feet! Can't imagine where she got that.
I'll post more pics if I can steal them from others.
Here are a couple pics of a costume party last weekend. Snow White's tiara has gone missing. Maybe the kitties chewed it up.
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