In the dream my mother was actively dying. It was a slow painful death that we all knew was coming. I was by her side every moment for months (which did not happen) and it was exhausting. In my dream I left my mother's side to run home and be with Matthew. I ran into his arms screaming that I could not survive if my mother died. I explained that my heart would stop beating with hers and there was no way I would make it without her. Matthew held me and assured me I would survive but I was certain I would die.
Waking up was bittersweet. The reality that my mother was indeed gone and that I am still alive was overwhelming. I am still alive six months later, something I dreamed was impossible.
Monday night was the final night of the bereavement group I have been attending. It was a six week session with six other individuals dealing with loss. It was educational and emotional. It also helped me heal. My grief and that of the fellow survivors was on my mind when I went to sleep that night, which I'm sure is behind the dream. I never thought I would make it a day but it's already been six months. Sad but hopeful.
This week I am alive and things are going well, or at least pretty good. I am ready to be happy and genuinely smile again.
Miss Cha had a dream recently where she married a boy named Josh. She made the announcement as soon as she woke up. She usually tells me her dreams in the car on the way to school.
She also cut her bangs in school two weeks ago. Here's what I stared at in the rear view mirror on the way home. She now sports a very uneven pixie cut. : (
