An old video

This was taken last October. Cha seems like such a baby in that in this video. Her hair has really filled in and she talks so much better.

She's a bit bossy, isn't she?

Update on Vic

Thanks to my dad for sending me this great picture. Graduation day 1985. How cool were we??

Vicki was a great friend in high school. She is two years younger but we were with her all the time. She had a million and one friends but she, Tobi, Kharen and I always seemed to be together. Good memories.

She is still in the hospital with no movement on her left side. She's stable which is good. We all just have to wait and see how it goes. I hear she's in good spirits as always, and prepared to fight this thing. She's a strong and determined woman.

Hugs and prayers for Vicki Jean

Dude, where's my car??

Really now, I should have known better. I drove a silver Subaru Forester for five years. Every third car on the road seemed to be a silver Subaru Forester. However I could always find mine because of the car seat and the junk in the back. And the dirt and scratches. Oh, and I always park in the same spot when I go to the store. I call it my alzheimer's training.

I went to the grocery store today and when I came out I was totally lost. I looked in 'my' spot and didn't see my car. I panicked. Dude, where's my car??

Then I remembered the Yaris. You know, the rare four door, black sedan. There aren't many of those on the road at all. Since we picked it up two days ago I've seen 3 black Yaris' and one blue. My neighbor up the street has a Yaris, how in the world didn't I notice? I've also seen a 1,000 black four door sedans (no lie, Rte 422 is a nightmare and I drive it two times a day).

As I was driving home from the grocery store I decided that I needed to do something to make the car stand out. Not to make it cool for others, but so I could find it in a crowd. The Forester cargo area didn't allow for me to put anything in the back window, but I think I'm going to have to find something for the new one. But that got me wondering what says 'me'. I remember back in Santa Barbara I had a cut out of David Letterman in the back seat window of my Audi. It was supposed to look like he was riding in the back of my car. (I'm telling you, I was super cool back then.) I don't think Cha will go for it, unless I decide on Dora or Diego.

If I were excited about either one of the presidential candidates I would put a hat with their name in the window. But I think about the summer of 91 when I was living in DC and had a Bush bumper sticker on my car. Some woman who was crossing the street cursed Bush and smacked my trunk with her umbrella. I don't see McCain or Obama worthy of scratching my new car. Maybe if it were Newt....

Anyway, I think I've decided to put a breast cancer survivor's hat in the back window. Something to nag tailgaters to remind the women in their lives to get themselves checked. It's a bummer that that's what says 'me' but the pink will certainly help me find my car.

Thankful Thursday

Hagedorn sent me a couple of myspace links this morning that opened up a whole new world of thankfulness. I know that it's not polite to judge or compare yourself to others but sometimes you can't help but thanking God for being so normal!

So here are a few things that I am now extra thankful for:

1. That my momma wasn't forced to raise my baby

2. That my husband doesn't have an unhealthy obsession with certain face paint wearing rock bands and take to dressing like them in public.

3. Babydaddy is employed, not in prison, and a decent man

4. There are no wheels attached to my primary residence (not that there's anything wrong with that....)

5. That I even have a primary residence.

6. I am fully aware of my body's trouble spots and make it a priority to keep them hidden, or at the very least not accentuated.

7. My fashion sense, such that it is, does not allow for blue eye shadow.

8. Clean, matching sheets.

9. My digital camera.

10. Family, friends, co-workers, people on the street who are more successful, happier, prettier, skinnier and richer than I am who inspire me to try harder. (Not that I'm not grateful!)

It's a.....

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Yaris!!





Yay!! We traded in Matt's 20 mpg mini-van for this beautiful 35 mpg gem. A 2007 Toyota Yaris with 18,300 miles to be exact.

Honestly, before I stepped foot on the sales lot I had never even heard of the Yaris. I was originally looking at the Ford Focus hatchback which got great reviews from Consumer Reports. But the minute I got behind the wheel of this car I was in love. It's nice and small and feels like a Honda Civic, only it's less money. The reviews are good and hey, it's a Toyota so how bad can it be!

Matt is now driving my Subaru Forester so Cha and I will be tooling around town in our black beauty. I'm so in love!

Prayers for Vicki

I received this note about Darling Vicki, my friend from high school. Please keep her and her family in your prayers. She is only 39 and has two beautiful daughters.


On Monday, July 14th, 2008 Vicki suffered a brain aneurysm and is in critical condition. She underwent brain surgery that day where they cupped the artery.

She became paralyzed on the left side indicating a stroke had occurred. Doctors performed a second angiogram. They were immediately able to verify that a stroke had happened and proceeded to perform an angioplasty (a balloon that is inserted to increase blood flow to the brain.). The paralysis was still present after the procedure.

Vicki is not as aware as she was earlier in the week. Nate and her parents are asking that her visitors are restricted to immediate family at this time so she can focus on stabilizing and recovering.

Random Pics

This is one deep-thinking Kitty


Jaime and I - seems like yesterday!

Me at Cha's age. See, I was blonde and had a lot of hair!

Uh huh, he loves his job

A quick game of Strangle

Obviously I didn't get the memo about wearing floral prints

Ria Kitty

Thankful Thursday

I'm back at work and it's been a busy week but I have lots to be thankful for.

1. Thanks to Carol Ann, Cathy, and Rebecca for a wonderful girl's night out down in Philly.

2. I'm thankful that my brother's surgery went well and that his pain is lessoning every day.

3. My paycheck finally showed up today, three days late.

4. My July bills are all paid!

5. I'm very grateful for all my caring, supportive and fun friends.

6. I'm thankful that my darling Cha is happy, healthy and totally brainy.

7. Our basement, which was totally nasty when we moved in a year ago, is looking awesome!

8. Lexapro and Excedrin Migraine

9. My sweet husband who never gives up

10. My bruises are gone and so is the pain

Daniel My Brother

My brother is scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning and I've been thinking about him all night. I've been humming this song all afternoon and tonight I decided to Google the lyrics.

Did you know?

Question: What is the meaning of the song Daniel?
Answer: Daniel is the fictional story of a blinded Vietnam veteran who comes home after the war and everybody wants him to be a hero, but all he wants is to be left alone. So he takes off for Spain to get away from it all. The story is told from the point of view of his younger brother, who misses him and would like him to come back home. It's not a true story, just an account of what crippled Vietnam veterans had to go through when they came home from the war. It is inspired by news coverage of the war that Bernie (Elton's lyricist) watched in the early 70s.


Obviously my brother isn't a Vietnam Vet, nor is he my older brother but I still miss him so much. Good luck tomorrow Dan!

(P.S. Is it my imagination or does the woman in the audience at 2:05 look like Dan's wife Michele? Odd, eh?)

You gotta see this!

We got back from the beach earlier tonight. It was an awesome time and Cha loved the water. I'll post pictures later but I had to share this video.

We walked down to Crab Pier and the kids were hoping to catch a few crabs with some raw bacon.

Despite dozens of these little creatures at every turn.....


....darling Matthew got the brilliant idea to stick his hands directly in the water to catch a crab on his own. Even the two year olds tried to warn him. Brilliant!

Take a look at little Johnny's face as he watched Matt wrestle with the crab.


And here's the rest of the story.....

The poor little crab lost an arm and then it's life as the kids carried it back to the house, put it in a tub of water and then poked things at it until Sunday afternoon.

Thankful Thursday

I have been weaning myself off the Lexapro for the past 11 days and this week I am feeling the full side effects. It ain't pretty. I didn't realize how bad the withdrawals would be. Hopefully the flu symptoms will be gone by the time I go back to work on Monday.

It should explain why I haven't posted this week. I do have it together enough to post what I'm thankful for.

1. I'm thankful for Kelly for inviting us down to the beach this weekend. This will be Cha's first trip to the beach and she's been talking about it for days. It will be nice to sit in the sun and relax.

2. I am thankful for Dr. Coonhead for her calming influence and wisdom and for trying to talk me out of going off anti-depressants. She may be right but the meds just aren't doing their trick at the moment.

3. I went out in search of a new bathing suit today. I am sure you can imagine how much I was dreading that trip. I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't totally gross me out. The suit that I liked is a bit too revealing and shows off my lovely scars, but I got it anyway. Some day soon it will look perfect.

4. The grass is growing in the backyard and it's looking very homey.

5. My parents had a wonderful time in Wisconsin and are on their way back home. They had a good visit with my aunts, uncles and cousins and I am jealous that I couldn't be there.

6. I am thankful that my brother was approved for his spinal fusion. He's been in pain for far too long and I am praying that the surgery will put him back on the right track. It's scheduled for Monday morning so please keep him in your prayers.

7. The entire house is sleeping before 9:00 pm which is giving me some quiet time to blog and email. Cha didn't nap today so she fell asleep in just a few minutes.

8. I am thankful for my unlimited texting!

9. I am thankful that even tho I feel sad and miserable more often that I should, I always have someone to help me snap out of it.

10. I am psyched that Carlo Hesser is back on OLTL! Awesome!

The Life of a Toddler

I don't remember my life ever being this much fun when I was two. This kid's got it made!

Water Ball with Semi and Kenzie


Rita's Water Ice with Johnny, Mason, Madison and Sabrina


When was the last time you stumbled across wild baby bunnies?



It's Barbie Time with Kenzie and Cha


We taught Baby Tiger all about drinking from the faucet - lucky kitty


Crafts with Kenzie, Maya and Cha


When was the last time you caught a wild frog??




Cha the future pianist. 'Everybody look at me!'

Prayers for the So Cal Firefighters

I've been tracking the So. California fires and praying for the firefighters, residents and of course the animals in the area. My brother and his family are still out there and I hope that they stay safe.

The LA Times has a pictures of the area including San Marcos High School, which is where I graduated.

Goleta Fire Pics

Even tho I'm nearly 3,000 miles away, I still feel call that place home.

Frankful Friday

It's my blog and I can make up words if I want.

Ten things I'm thankful for on this Independence Day.

1. That I'm alive and breathing and able to have reconstructive surgery.
2. My wonderful family and friends who tell it like it is.
3. My check engine light, that went on last week, went off this week. That means it's fixed, right??
4. My child has a great life filled with love, friends, fun and people who care enough to tell her no.
5. It's Reveal Day at CDAN!
6. There's food in the fridge, gas in the car, nearly all the bills are paid and I'm better off than at least 90% of the world.
7. My super cute husband who is already working on the basement on his day off.
8. Cha was able to get to know her grandparents this summer.
9. My job!
10. For all the other bloggers out there

10:00 and all is, well.....

It's been a rough couple of days. First off, there was a little snag with my short term disability. Despite filling out the proper paperwork well in advance, and being assured by the leave coordinator that everything was approved, my employer didn't pay me. I didn't find this out until late Friday of last week when I checked my balance online. It was too late to call the leave coordinator or HR so I was just kinda stuck over the weekend. I panicked wondering if I should try to force myself back to work on Monday so I wouldn't be out another week's pay. It was stressful.

As it turns out my employer automatically declined my leave since I've taken so much already. It would have been nice for them to tell me this the month before my surgery when I first put in the request. I am only eligible for 66% of my salary but instead of them paying me for that amount they decided not to pay me at all. I spent many hours this week on the phone wading thru the red tape trying to get things resolved. On Tuesday I agreed to use some vacation time to make up the difference and on Wednesday I was told that I'd be paid 'sometime'.

The check arrived this afternoon right around 4:00, when the banks had already closed. I deposited it at the ATM and since this is a holiday weekend I'm sure it won't hit until Monday. Nice, eh? This SNAFU is par for the course for this month's budget. With the price of gas and food out of control, things have been tight. We've also had several other financial bumps in the road and I'm not looking forward to that giant electric bill for having the AC on 24/7.

On to my second rant, my body is ticked about the heat. Imagine heading off to the grocery store on a sweltering hot suburban Philadelphia afternoon. You're pushing a cart full of groceries and one very active toddler across the black top to your car. Imagine picking up those endless bags and putting them in the trunk in 95 degree heat. Then try to imagine doing that with a super tight binder from your breasts to your hips. Also imagine standing in the heat waiting for your toddler to get herself into her carseat because you can't pick her up, knowing that once you strap her in you've got to position yourself and your wrapped body in the front seat of a 110 degree car. I'm sure I don't have to mention how the heat and perspiration irritate my incisions making them runny and gooey and painful. Tonight they are a throbbing and red mess. If I had to do it over again, I would have waited to have this surgery until the weather got cooler. Compression garments and summer time is torture.

Finally, I am a firm believer in karma and knowing that what goes around comes around has made dealing with difficult people more peaceful. However, I keep hearing of these terribly fraudulent, evil people who never seem to get caught. I feel like I am always paying a hefty karmic price while others seem to have blank checks in this world. I need some reassurance that goodness does prevail and choosing right over wrong is still the smart move.

Seriously, R fraudulently works two other jobs while being out on disability and doesn't get caught, but my company doesn't pay me the week of my surgery? What the hell??

Drains B-Gone

I had my post-surgery appt yesterday and Dr. S removed my drains. I was so excited to get them out but what a nightmare that was. I showed him the sheet that noted that the drains had been putting out no more than 5-10 ccs a day and then hopped up on the table and begged him to take them out.

I got very anxious at this point. Since my breasts have healed so much since the last drains were removed months ago, I could feel everything. When he gently pulled the first drain I thought I was going to vomit. The image of snakes crawling around inside my breasts immediately popped into my head and stayed there while he pulled the other drain. Having those drains pulled is such an incredibly nasty feeling that I almost vomited and passed out. Dr. S broke out smelling salts thinking I would fall flat on the floor. I'm curious if I've always been this crazy or if this is something new?

Five minutes later all was well and I was feeling very energetic. Dr. S told me I have only one more surgery to go. He's going to do minor work on my breasts, give me nipples and clean up my tummy a bit more. He's happy with the way things look now and said that once the swelling goes down on my waist I should lose another inch or two, but he wants me to keep wearing the binder for three weeks.

It was a good visit and when I got home I quickly fell into a deep sleep. I haven't been sleeping well so it was awesome.

One more thing I wanted to add: when Dr. S was looking at my chest and saying what else he wanted to fix I told him I thought they were perfect. I said they looked natural like my original breasts and he said that his goal was to make them look better than the originals. I've heard of plastic surgeons who leave women looking less than human and I'm so thankful that I have someone who has higher expectations than I do. Given all I've experienced in the past 6 months it would be so easy for me to give up and settle for what I have. I'm lucky that I have a doctor who won't let me.