Forgiveness

Tonight I am thinking about Forgiveness.  It was one of my 2013 New Year's Goals. 

Ask Forgiveness / Accept Forgiveness

I started 2013 off by sending an email to an old friend.   We hadn't talked in years and I knew it was due to something I had said and ways I had acted.  It was nothing criminal or morally corrupt, just sheer bad manners and being an awful friend.

I think about her when I'm doing dishes.  It makes no sense, as there was nothing about our friendship or breakup that had anything to do with dishes.  But when I get my soapy hands on a dish I start to think about her and where it all went wrong.   

I emailed her once years back and it bounced.   In 2013 I decided to cyber-stalk her.  I found her professional page and sent her a note.   I apologized, stated my wrongdoings, took complete responsibility and begged for forgiveness.  Then I never heard from her.  But it's okay.  I knew that it was never about reconnecting with her or picking up where we left off.  It was important to me that I acknowledged the hurt I had caused and said that I was sorry.

Today I got a note from another old friend.  

"I am deeply sorry for how things went down years ago and wanted to apologize"

That brought me peace.  More than she knows.

Now while I am scrubbing a greasy pan I can think about peace. 

in the beginning....

The first post of this blog was actually a late night email I sent to my parents.   They were random thoughts about my daughter, their granddaughter, because I wanted them to know how incredible she was.   Little did I know that this blog would be taken over by cancer, suicide, and depression.

It's now been six and a half years and times have changed.  The cancer days are a distant memory, tho I am still reminded of the surgeries every day in the shower when I see and feel the numerous scars.   My December 5th cancerversary also permanently stuck in my mind.  The other night at a PTO meeting we discussed next year's calendar.   We planned an event for Friday December 5th and my mind immediately went back to that day when Dr. K. first told me that 'It's cancer'.   It wasn't a flashback in a sense that I became anxious and sad, instead it was a moment of 'Wow, that was forever ago!'  In my mind, that's a good thing.

I spend my days now working, volunteering, playing with my multitude of animals, juggling my child's activities, both social and academic, enjoying time with dear friends, and loving my husband (and not necessarily in that order).  I still struggle with depression and anxiety but nowhere near to the extent of how I suffered five years ago.

This year we learned that my not-so-little Cha is a Brainy McBrainerson.   She was evaluated and placed in the gifted program and I am constantly blown away by her school projects and how easily she learns.  Last month we traveled to DC with a few girlfriends and attended the Science and Engineering Festival at the DC Convention Center.    The whole event was one big WOW.   I will say that I was only more excited than she was because I had the joy of watching how excited she was.   There was so much to see and do and there was a LOT of walking, so my girl begged many times to just sit down and rest.   However, the moment she took a break she'd get excited about one more thing that she wanted to see and then we were off and running again.  There are no words to say how proud and in awe I am of her.

Favorite picture from the weekend?

This gorgeous cheerleader is getting her PhD in microbiology.

Smart girls RULE!

So much more to ramble about but I think I'll cut it short here.   I gotta get back into my blogging habit.