Catching up

I miss my blog. Things have been busy lately and whenever I think of logging in something else pops up or I fall asleep.

To 'quickly' catch up, I celebrated my mastectomy anniversary by myself. I don't think I even mentioned it to Matt. It was a bittersweet celebration - cancer free but sliced to bits. That evening I sat in my office at home and started writing out thank you letters. I took it slow and thought of every person that I am thankful for. It's a very long list. I still have many cards to send out but I don't want to rush. I want to appreciate each card and each person.

The anniversary also marked the end of the Bush era and the beginning of Obama. Times are tough right now and I pray that our new President helps to make things right.

Cha had two sleepovers with her Mimi and Pa. The first time Matt and I were blessed with the best date night ever. We dropped Cha off, went to see a movie (Benjamin Button - I wasn't blown away) then went to dinner. We sat at the bar at the Lakeside Inn and watched football. We were in no hurry at all and it was very relaxing. The next morning we slept in. It was fabulous and while I missed my little girl, I know we were both having a great time.

This weekend Cha spent the night with her grandparents again. Matt and I were scheduled to go bowling with friends but Matt got called for a DJ job at the last minute. I organized the bowling night and had to collect money, so I had to go. The night was a huge success and we all had fun. Matt also had fun at his gig, which is a bonus. Being a DJ isn't always a barrel of monkeys.

Anyway, huge thanks to Mimi, Pa, and Buddy the dog for spending time with Cha. She loves you very much (and kept calling me Mimi all day on Sunday).

We are moving Cha into a big girl bed. Her toddler bed is gone and I picked up a gorgeous four poster bed at Liberty Thrift for $20. I've been checking that place a couple times a week since Cha was born. Most of the items are 'okay' but sometimes the deals will take your breath away. I'll have to post pictures of her room when it's done. The bed is a beautiful dark wood and the rest of her furniture is light oak, so I've got to change everything. (Yay Craigslist!)

I've been connecting with dozens of old friends on Facebook. Friends from elementary school all the way up to my nanny days in DC. It's been fun catching up and seeing where everyone landed. It's sweet to think about how many friends I've had in my life.

We're building a nice number of women for our Race for the Cure team. We're working on a few cool fund raising ideas too. I'm excited. Providing Matt and I both don't lose our jobs and come into a million dollars of unexpected bills, we are going to stay in a hotel the night before the race again.

Today's Commute

We got some unexpected snow overnight. This morning's commute was beautiful. I could have done without all the accidents and the 30 minute wait trying to get on 422, but the snow was gorgeous.

Here's the view outside our back deck

More from the deck
The backroads were clear


For a while at least. There was an accident at the bottom of this hill.
The police were on the scene. Very, very icy!

But look at these trees!




Cha's school opened two hours late. All the parents got there at 9:00 sharp not realizing that the teachers also had to get their kids to school, so they were late too. The parents had to hang out in the big play room until there were enough teachers to cover the ratios.

Fingers Crossed

Good luck President Obama.

I only wished he would have had a peppier speech. This is most likely the best day of his entire life. I would have expected a few more smiles. Or at least a 'Yahoo!'

Getting ready!

...
I formed our 2009 team.
Come walk with us!
...

Sunday May 10, 2009!

To Spank or Not to Spank

Interesting article from Slate: Why you shouldn't hit your kids.

Three is a tough age. Cha can be mean, brutal actually. Over the past week while she was sick and then recovering she told me countless times that I'm no longer her friend. She has said she doesn't love me and tells me to leave. Payback for the way I treated my mother? Most definitely!

She can be such a challenge that sometimes I just want to smack her on the bottom. Sometimes I wonder what kind of person I am to allow a 40 lb child to disrespect me and treat me so poorly. I wouldn't allow a grown up to use the same words without standing up for myself, why should I take it from a child. My child.

The very second Cha was born my first thought was 'Wow, she's her own person.' I felt a bit of a disconnect and a giant sense of responsibility. And not only responsibility but accountability. I could not do as I pleased to this child because she was her own person with her own rights. If a stranger on the street walked up and smacked her on the bottom couldn't that stranger be arrested for assault? What makes it okay for a parent to do it? And wouldn't it do more harm coming from someone she loved and trusted?

Regardless, my little babe was a blank slate with so many needs and I had to help her become a healthy, socially responsible, mentally stable, self confident woman.

Like I've always said about raising kitties - Don't break their spirit!

This and that

Char's been sick the past couple of days. Nothing too serious, just a 'simple' case of the croup but she's miserable and not sleeping well. I spent last night on her bedroom floor worried about her breathing. She's super clingy and needed to be on my lap or at my side every single minute so I guess it wasn't a terrible thing that my internet was on the fritz and I couldn't get much work done.

Comcast is our internet provider and I've been having such a terrible time with them. Our internet signal has been patchy for a couple of months. Every time I call them they tell me that it has to be my router because if we get connection for even one minute it means that it's not their fault. Last month I convinced them to come out and look at the cable modem. A tech came out, messed with a bunch of settings and claimed that it was indeed a faulty modem. He replaced it and said things would be better.

Well, it was okay for a while but never 100%. This past week it's been horrid. We'd lose service for hours at a time or for a couple seconds here and there. Very annoying. I called Comcast again to complain and at first they tried to say it was my router but after monitoring my connection they found that it had been going out and said it was probably a wiring problem. Grrr. They were sending someone out today but he ran late so now he's scheduled for tomorrow. Fortunately the signal is working right now but who knows how long it will last.

Tonight Cha was feeling better so I pulled out her homework for the week. Her teacher sends home a packet every Monday which needs to be returned on Friday. The pages inside have sheets for practicing letters, numbers, and using scissors. There's also simple things like telling a story and asking her questions about it. She loves doing her homework and I'm hoping we're setting up good study habits.

Anyway, when she was done with cutting and pasting the zebra stripes I told her she needed to write her name. I was blown away when she actually did it! I didn't know she knew how. Granted it is not perfect and I have no clue why she thinks her name is Charl but it's still amazing. When she did the first sheet I thought it was a fluke but when she did it again I knew we were raising a smartie. Check out her genius....

Sunday night ramblings and birthday wishes

I've got a stitch in my abdomen that's driving me bananas. Dr. S. saw it at my last appt. He said it would come out on it's own but I can't stop pulling at it. All the other stitches have come out but that one is evil.

We had a breakfast playdate today. Cha ended her most klutzy weekend ever by falling off the playground equipment face first. She cut her lip, which bled something fierce. Yesterday she fell down the basement stairs trying to carry a mop. She hit her head pretty good on the railing and bruised her arms and back pretty good. Later in the afternoon she slipped on air and fell on the hard wood floor. Not a good day to be 3. One of the moms at the playdate this morning mentioned that maybe her feet were growing and she wasn't used to them. 'Just like a newborn colt' she said. That makes sense to me. I hate the thought of my baby girl inheriting my klutz gene.

Last night Matt had a few guys over for poker. They only played til midnight or so but Matt was so wound up that he couldn't get to sleep until nearly 3:00. When I woke up this morning I found a sink full of empty beer bottles and a floor in desperate need of mopping. 'wound up' = 'drank too much'.

Tomorrow is the first day back to work after the holidays. Please God, let Cha wake up cheerful and cooperative. I really don't want to fight with a 3 year old early in the morning.

I have started weaning myself off anti-depressants. I'm doing 20 mg every other day (instead of every day). I'm on day 6 and I'm feeling icky but I don't know if that's due to the weaning.

Yesterday was my niece Dani's 4th birthday. I was thinking that she's my only blond niece. All the others are dark haired. Here are Dani and Cha several years ago at the cabin in Wisconsin. Cha was such a porker! (Pork chop Iggy!)

Happy Birthday Danielle!

Tomorrow is my niece Kimberly's birthday. She'll be the magical 19, the age where nothing interesting happens. Here we are in DC. She came out to visit me five years ago and it must have been 100 every single day. We toured Philadelphia and could barely breathe due to the heat. Ugh! Smooches to Kimi!


And finally, tomorrow is Nadia's birthday. She'll be celebrating the ultimate mom way by dropping her kids off at school and then spending the day wandering around the mall and then relaxing at home. Happy Birthday girlfriend!


Life is good.

: )

Marley & Me

I saw Marley & Me last week. I can't remember the last time I cried so hard at a movie. Despite the sweet and funny commercials, this is not a family film. It may be rated PG but I can't see what a kid would get out of it, other than scared, confused and bored.

One of the highlights of the film (and only a slight spoiler) is when the wife had a miscarriage. Marley, 'the world's worst dog' comforted her like only a pet could. As someone who has spent many painful and sleepless nights snuggled up to by cats, I had to start bawling. Family pets may not understand losing a baby or a breast, but they understand pain and sadness. And because they rarely mistakenly say the wrong thing, they provide the biggest comfort of all.

Go see the movie but don't bring the kids.

Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage

From Yahoo:

You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.

In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.

That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."

Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.

Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.

If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.

You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."

4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.

Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."

5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.

6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.

There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.

7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.

I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.

That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

Happy New Year!

Good riddance to 2008. It had it's highs but I'm not sad to see it gone.

Last year I had planned on ringing in the new year at Andrea's house. I was hit with a case of super anxiety and just couldn't see myself surviving a house full of people. Matt, Cha and I went out for a quiet dinner with a few friends instead. This year I beat that anxiety bug and joined Andrea and a dozen screaming kids to celebrate both the end of this crappy year and the beginning of a new one.

I could list my pros and cons of the year but I think the fact that it ended on a higher note than it started says it all. I'm on a roll. As CAD says - 2009 is Mine!

I hope everyone has a happy new year!