Cari passed away. I had been checking in every day so I knew the end was near, but it didn't prepare me for that last post. I found her blog many moons ago and over the span of a long weekend I caught up on all of her posts. She was an incredible person and I would have loved to have met her in person.
I enjoy reading the comments on the last post. People from all over coming together to remark how Cari had touched their lives. She touched mine for sure and I'm going to miss her.
Cha and I went to the Y Friday night for a swim. Our local Y has a super cool pool for younger kids and Cha loves playing in the water. We spent about an hour and a half jumping, swimming and laughing and then headed to the locker room to get changed.
The bag I brought with me had clean and dry clothes for both of us along with shampoo and soap. We both hopped under the showers and got all scrubbed up. I rinsed off our swimsuits, which had the awful chlorine stank on them and hung them up to dry. While Cha and I were drying off and ready to get dressed two girls walked in the shower room. I noticed one of the girls look at my chest and kinda grimace. For a split second I had no idea why she would have that reaction and then I remembered my scars.
It made me smile. Here I was having a fun time laughing with my little girl, the cancer and surgeries totally out of my mind. I never would have imagined that a year ago.
Finally, I read an incredible poem on Olaf's blog. Def. worth a read.
Happy Saturday!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Blogging
As anyone who has created and maintained a blog can tell you, it's very therapeutic. Over the past nearly two years my blog has helped me inform my family about my health updates, meet and lean on others who were also battling cancer, and get a whole lot off my chest (pun intended). Having an outlet to vent about both good and bad was incredibly important and I hope that by being open I was able to provide a bit of help or least some understanding to others experiencing the same.
But it feels like, thanks to God, my breast cancer journey is complete. I saw an oncologist who said I'm done. I have only the tiniest bit of breast tissue left in my body and the chance that my cancer will come back is slim to none. I will continue monthly BSEs to get a feel for changes to my breasts, but I had my last ever mammogram on December 3, 2007 and feel blessed that I never have to have another. I had DCIS, which some doctors don't even consider cancer. I made an aggressive decision to have both breasts removed. At the time a friend told me that it was an 'overly dramatic' move. Well, it might have been but I have no regrets. It was well worth the peace of mind.
My reconstructed breasts are just fine. The scars are fading and they feel okay. They aren't perfect, but neither were my natural ones. My fake nipples look great even if they still don't have any feeling. So, I have no complaints. I will always have a doctor crush on Drs. Singer Kripke. They were knights in shining armor during a very bad time and I will continue to recommend them to anyone needing their services.
My depression [knock wood] is gone. I have been off Lexapro for just about two months and no longer feel any side effects of the withdrawal. My mind is the same as before the cancer, crabbiness and all. I had some amazing therapy sessions during the past two years but learned that most of the hard times were due to circumstances and not severe mental flaws. I see no reason to continue seeing someone.
So I guess that's it. I have been struggling with what to do with this blog, contemplating posting other personal information about my life and struggles but I've decided to let it be.
Thanks for reading and being there for me.
:)
But it feels like, thanks to God, my breast cancer journey is complete. I saw an oncologist who said I'm done. I have only the tiniest bit of breast tissue left in my body and the chance that my cancer will come back is slim to none. I will continue monthly BSEs to get a feel for changes to my breasts, but I had my last ever mammogram on December 3, 2007 and feel blessed that I never have to have another. I had DCIS, which some doctors don't even consider cancer. I made an aggressive decision to have both breasts removed. At the time a friend told me that it was an 'overly dramatic' move. Well, it might have been but I have no regrets. It was well worth the peace of mind.
My reconstructed breasts are just fine. The scars are fading and they feel okay. They aren't perfect, but neither were my natural ones. My fake nipples look great even if they still don't have any feeling. So, I have no complaints. I will always have a doctor crush on Drs. Singer Kripke. They were knights in shining armor during a very bad time and I will continue to recommend them to anyone needing their services.
My depression [knock wood] is gone. I have been off Lexapro for just about two months and no longer feel any side effects of the withdrawal. My mind is the same as before the cancer, crabbiness and all. I had some amazing therapy sessions during the past two years but learned that most of the hard times were due to circumstances and not severe mental flaws. I see no reason to continue seeing someone.
So I guess that's it. I have been struggling with what to do with this blog, contemplating posting other personal information about my life and struggles but I've decided to let it be.
Thanks for reading and being there for me.
:)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
give a mom a muffin
If you give a mom a muffin
She'll want a strong cup of coffee to go with it, She'll make herself some.
Her three-year-old will spill the coffee, She'll wipe it up.
While wiping the floor she'll find dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the box of Goodwill items.
Bumping into the Goodwill items will remind her that she has to get these boxes out of her basement and into the car.
When she puts the boxes in the car, she'll find a bag of groceries and this will remind her she has to cook dinner.
She will get out the chicken defrosting in the fridge.
She'll look for her cookbook, "101 Things To Do With Chicken"
The cookbook will be sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the Netflix movie she's meant to send back and the phone bill,which is due tomorrow.
The checkbook will be in her purse that is being dumped out by her one-year-old.
As she bends down to rescue her purse, she'll smell something funny.
She'll change the baby's diaper.
While she is throwing away the diaper and searching for the hand sanitizer, the phone will ring.
Her three-year-old will answer and hang up.
She'll remember she wants to call a friend - not for coffee, but for a very strong drink.
Thinking of drinking will remind her that she was going to have a cup of coffee in order to stay awake for the rest of the day.
And chances are....
If she finds her cup of coffee (which she has to reheat by now),
Her children will have eaten the muffin that goes with it.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Here I am!
Howdy Ho! It's only been a week but it's been a super busy one.
Let's see....a week ago yesterday I went to my primary physician about my overall crappy well being. She said it could have been the Lexapro but also my clogged up sinuses, lack of sleep, and dealing with my daily stresses without medication. She gave me a script for a sleeping pill and instructed me to get 9 hours a night, no excuses. She also gave me lab paperwork to get my blood work done, just in case. My appt was early in the morning so I managed to get my fasting levels done. Yippee.
Friday my body was just tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. My body hurt and felt like it needed 14 hours of sleep so I dropped Cha off at school and came back to sleep the rest of the day. Her school closes for a week every year before Labor Day, so I had to be ready to be alone with my little high energy diva.
Monday morning Dr. M called to give me the lab results and to give me a long lecture on how to take care of myself. It seems my sugar levels were high. Like scary high. That explains why I've been feeling so crappy. I'm up and down and my body is mad.
She lectured me on diet and exercise and being real. No excuses this time. I had to get in shape or it would kill me. I promised that I would because I didn't want to go on more daily medications. Shortly after we hung up I grabbed the dog and took a long and brisk walk. As I was walking out the door Matt says: 'But what about dinner?' I told him there was plenty of food in the fridge, including lasagna from the night before, and that he was on his own. Seriously, don't give me a reason to make excuses. I could have easily stopped, made dinner for my family, sat down and ate way too much, felt too full for a walk, and spent the rest of the night feeling awful. I needed to get out and walk, and think.
I spoke to a friend that night about all that was happening. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. I know my weaknesses and I know that the hardest thing in the world is to get out in the world when you're feeling down, much less get out and exercise. She gave me some good advice. Medication is nothing to be afraid of. It will stabilize me and give me the energy I need to start doing what I need to do.
So, I started taking Metformin this week. A diabetes drug. Crap.
It will work out. I know it will help and hopefully a few months from now I'll be in much better shape and won't even need the pills. I've got my fingers crossed.
To lay it out there:
July Triglyceride: 250
August Triglyceride: 963
Normal: <150
Ouch!
This week has been exhausting trying to keep up with a soon to be 4 year old. Don't believe what they say about Terrible Twos. Three and 4 are much worse. We've had fun but I think we both would have enjoyed it more if she hadn't given up naps.
On Tuesday she and I trotted over to my annual girlie check up. She's become a real pro at exam rooms. My gyn asked me who was following up on my 'breasts'. Well, you see with my type of cancer most doctors say that no follow up is needed. No mammos, no MRIs, no nothing. She made me feel uneasy about it so I decided to call the Paoli Breast Center and ask their opinion. They suggested that I call my breast surgeon, Dr. K as he would certainly want to follow up with me.
Well, I called Dr. K's office and told them the story. I asked if I needed to be seen. Nope, he didn't think it was necessary. Actually he said: I am happy to be one less doctor you need to see.
Just to be safe I called Paoli again and asked to see an oncologist. I've got an appt for next week. The doctor will read my files and let me know if I need any further checks. I'm sure the answer will be no, but it just feels funny to say no one will be watching.
So, that's my week.
A P.S. to Kayleigh.....I gave Valerian tea the old college try, but my God that stuff smells! Even bagged up and stuffed in a box, the tea still managed to make my cupboards stink.
Let's see....a week ago yesterday I went to my primary physician about my overall crappy well being. She said it could have been the Lexapro but also my clogged up sinuses, lack of sleep, and dealing with my daily stresses without medication. She gave me a script for a sleeping pill and instructed me to get 9 hours a night, no excuses. She also gave me lab paperwork to get my blood work done, just in case. My appt was early in the morning so I managed to get my fasting levels done. Yippee.
Friday my body was just tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. My body hurt and felt like it needed 14 hours of sleep so I dropped Cha off at school and came back to sleep the rest of the day. Her school closes for a week every year before Labor Day, so I had to be ready to be alone with my little high energy diva.
Monday morning Dr. M called to give me the lab results and to give me a long lecture on how to take care of myself. It seems my sugar levels were high. Like scary high. That explains why I've been feeling so crappy. I'm up and down and my body is mad.
She lectured me on diet and exercise and being real. No excuses this time. I had to get in shape or it would kill me. I promised that I would because I didn't want to go on more daily medications. Shortly after we hung up I grabbed the dog and took a long and brisk walk. As I was walking out the door Matt says: 'But what about dinner?' I told him there was plenty of food in the fridge, including lasagna from the night before, and that he was on his own. Seriously, don't give me a reason to make excuses. I could have easily stopped, made dinner for my family, sat down and ate way too much, felt too full for a walk, and spent the rest of the night feeling awful. I needed to get out and walk, and think.
I spoke to a friend that night about all that was happening. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. I know my weaknesses and I know that the hardest thing in the world is to get out in the world when you're feeling down, much less get out and exercise. She gave me some good advice. Medication is nothing to be afraid of. It will stabilize me and give me the energy I need to start doing what I need to do.
So, I started taking Metformin this week. A diabetes drug. Crap.
It will work out. I know it will help and hopefully a few months from now I'll be in much better shape and won't even need the pills. I've got my fingers crossed.
To lay it out there:
July Triglyceride: 250
August Triglyceride: 963
Normal: <150
Ouch!
This week has been exhausting trying to keep up with a soon to be 4 year old. Don't believe what they say about Terrible Twos. Three and 4 are much worse. We've had fun but I think we both would have enjoyed it more if she hadn't given up naps.
On Tuesday she and I trotted over to my annual girlie check up. She's become a real pro at exam rooms. My gyn asked me who was following up on my 'breasts'. Well, you see with my type of cancer most doctors say that no follow up is needed. No mammos, no MRIs, no nothing. She made me feel uneasy about it so I decided to call the Paoli Breast Center and ask their opinion. They suggested that I call my breast surgeon, Dr. K as he would certainly want to follow up with me.
Well, I called Dr. K's office and told them the story. I asked if I needed to be seen. Nope, he didn't think it was necessary. Actually he said: I am happy to be one less doctor you need to see.
Just to be safe I called Paoli again and asked to see an oncologist. I've got an appt for next week. The doctor will read my files and let me know if I need any further checks. I'm sure the answer will be no, but it just feels funny to say no one will be watching.
So, that's my week.
A P.S. to Kayleigh.....I gave Valerian tea the old college try, but my God that stuff smells! Even bagged up and stuffed in a box, the tea still managed to make my cupboards stink.
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