Tuesday, May 31, 2011
ten things
Ten things to be grateful for this beautiful Tuesday morning:
Working A/C at the office
A full tank of gas
Delicious fresh fruit for lunch
Memories of a fun-filled and safe Memorial Day Weekend
The future
Great friends
Sweet and lovable kitties
Comfortable summer sandals
Vacation planning
NPR
Working A/C at the office
A full tank of gas
Delicious fresh fruit for lunch
Memories of a fun-filled and safe Memorial Day Weekend
The future
Great friends
Sweet and lovable kitties
Comfortable summer sandals
Vacation planning
NPR
Sunday, May 29, 2011
a dream
True Story.
Last night I had a dream that I went to prison. The beginning of the dream was very involved and detailed the process of getting to the cell. Not that I have any idea what going to prison is like, but my dream made it seem very frustrating.
There were long lines with miserable and scary people, terrible smells, itchy clothing and fear. There were hundreds of us, men and women, being processed and that part of the dream was certainly a nightmare.
Once we were behind the bars I ran into one of my mom friends. There was no mention of what brought us there but we clutched each other and giggled a little bit behind our fear.
One mom friend turned into two and then there were six. And then a pool and hot tub appeared, and internet access, and video chatting with family members. Looking across the hall we could see the husbands who were watching TV and playing cards. Then one of the guards started sneaking our kids in to see us. Our cells became bigger and we made them more homey. The kids got to sleep over and covered the walls with pictures.
We'd meet up with the husbands/dads in the prison yard which grew a pond with a gazebo and we all got a chance to fish. After a while that prison turned into quite a beautiful place.
It's been nearly ten years since my husband and I met. We were both recently divorced and he answered my online personal ad. Ten crazy years. I guess that was on my mind last night before I went to bed.
Last night I had a dream that I went to prison. The beginning of the dream was very involved and detailed the process of getting to the cell. Not that I have any idea what going to prison is like, but my dream made it seem very frustrating.
There were long lines with miserable and scary people, terrible smells, itchy clothing and fear. There were hundreds of us, men and women, being processed and that part of the dream was certainly a nightmare.
Once we were behind the bars I ran into one of my mom friends. There was no mention of what brought us there but we clutched each other and giggled a little bit behind our fear.
One mom friend turned into two and then there were six. And then a pool and hot tub appeared, and internet access, and video chatting with family members. Looking across the hall we could see the husbands who were watching TV and playing cards. Then one of the guards started sneaking our kids in to see us. Our cells became bigger and we made them more homey. The kids got to sleep over and covered the walls with pictures.
We'd meet up with the husbands/dads in the prison yard which grew a pond with a gazebo and we all got a chance to fish. After a while that prison turned into quite a beautiful place.
It's been nearly ten years since my husband and I met. We were both recently divorced and he answered my online personal ad. Ten crazy years. I guess that was on my mind last night before I went to bed.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Thanks Mom!
44 years ago today my mom caught pneumonia while driving to UCLA med center in a convertible in the rain to give birth to me.
She told that story many times over the years, and it usually ended in 'Damn kid'.
Miss you mom. Thanks for everything.
She told that story many times over the years, and it usually ended in 'Damn kid'.
Miss you mom. Thanks for everything.
Monday, May 23, 2011
so happy together
Something bizarre happened. Three weeks ago I decided to stop taking my anti-depressants (Wellbutrin). No real reason other than I was just tired of taking them. I was actually in a really sad state and had doubled the dose a month before. It wasn't providing much relief so one night I just decided not to take a pill.
I kept waiting for the withdrawals to kick in, since I had such an awful experience with Lexapro. They never came. Instead what happened was little by little I started feeling like my old self again. Every day I felt a tad more normal like back in my pre-cancer days. I started singing and humming to myself, smiling and laughing more and appreciating my feelings.
This weekend was super, even though it was filled with the same stressers that were there three weeks ago. I woke up this morning, a Monday of all days, and sprang out of bed with a smile on my face. I'm not going to question where this good mood and energy come from, I'm just going to enjoy it.
(P.S. And an early Happy Birthday to me!)
I kept waiting for the withdrawals to kick in, since I had such an awful experience with Lexapro. They never came. Instead what happened was little by little I started feeling like my old self again. Every day I felt a tad more normal like back in my pre-cancer days. I started singing and humming to myself, smiling and laughing more and appreciating my feelings.
This weekend was super, even though it was filled with the same stressers that were there three weeks ago. I woke up this morning, a Monday of all days, and sprang out of bed with a smile on my face. I'm not going to question where this good mood and energy come from, I'm just going to enjoy it.
(P.S. And an early Happy Birthday to me!)
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