June 25, 2009 - what a day

I was so sad this morning when I heard of Farrah Fawcett's passing. She had been sick for a long while so it wasn't a shock. I was relieved for her actually. What a long and painful death. She was the coolest chick ever when I was a kid. I loved Charlie's Angels and my brothers had the infamous poster hanging in their room. One of my friends had the Farrah head, which was like the Barbie head where you style hair and practice make up. What an odd thing to remember.

My jaw hit the floor when I heard Michael Jackson died. I was stunned and couldn't speak for a moment. I read it on TMZ and immediately ran downstairs to tell Matt. He asked how he died and I said I had no clue. All I read was the headline and ran to find him. Then I called Kharen in LA to talk to her about it. MJ had great music and I enjoyed him as an artist until he had that giant statue built of himself and then started doing bad things to kids. I'll still enjoy his music when I hear it. It feels that with Farrah and Michael dying a huge part of my childhood is now gone.

Some good news to balance out the day, my niece Andrea got married today. I was unable to attend since it was last minute and I am 1000 miles away but I was there in spirit.

Tomorrow Cha and I are headed to Ocean City, MD with some friends for the weekend. I've got my fingers crossed that we get at least one day of clear skies. It seems like every day for the past month has been cloudy and/or rainy.

Update on Dr. S

I had an appt scheduled with Dr. S for June 19th. A few days beforehand I got a message on my answering machine stating that my appt was canceled because Dr. S had been fired from the practice. Had I not known that he was planning on leaving and joining a new practice I would have been very worried.

The office staff called both my home and my cell number and left the 'fired' message. They really wanted to get their message across. I spoke to one of his fellow patients who confirmed that she and several other of his patients had also received the message. My girlfriend had a followup surgery just weeks prior and was scheduled to meet with Dr. S on June 18th. She was having some healing issues and really needed to be seen.

She called the office to ask how to get a hold of her doctor and they told her that she could come in and have one of the other surgeons look at her. She said absolutely not. The other surgeons weren't her doctor and didn't have a two year history with her. Sure they had her case file but that's not the same. She made an appt with her breast surgeon who was able to look at her and give her some a/b.

I called the office and asked about my file. The office staffer was very rude and said she couldn't understand why I was concerned about my file. She said that Dr. S wasn't even seeing anyone until July. I told her I wanted my file so I had it when I scheduled my next appt with him.

It turns out that Dr. S has landed in the same practice at Dr. K. Dr. K was my breast surgeon and is the person who recommended Dr. S. They worked together very well and I'm sure the practice will continue to thrive with their expertise.

I got my answers regarding whether my insurance will cover him and if I'd have to drive a hundred miles. I am very disappointed in the way the old office handled the change. Can you imagine how the patient who is just months out from a mastectomy felt when she learned that her appt was canceled and her surgeon was fired? You have to put so much trust in your doctor and that bad news can really rock your world.

My kid cracks me up

My favorite quotes of the day:

While eating lunch with her classmates (as told to me by her teacher).....

'And then a caterpillar jumped into the pool. He wasn't even wearing a swim suit!'

While walking past the bra section in Target on the way to find flip-flops. I'm shocked at the little things she remembers....

'Mommy, they need to put the tubes back in and pull out more blood. Your boobies are getting too big!'

My biggest laugh of the day however came from my own mother. We were reminiscing about great events in Jenkins history.

'I think I just ate my napkin!'

The only quote that trumps the napkin comment is....

'I found a luggage rack.'

It still brings tears to my eyes and I will always remember my parents and I trying to eat breakfast at a diner in Illinois. We were laughing so hard we couldn't eat - and that says a lot!

The deluxe luggage rack - as seen in New York's finest hotels!

my private life

I've moved many of my non-cancer related posts to my private blog. It's warm and cozy and much less restrictive. I need a comfortable environment to let my hair down.

Lucky Me

I have much to be grateful for. Life is very, very good to me. I have more than I ever thought I would and am blessed in so many ways.

This hit me tonight as I got off the phone with my mother. Cha called her Grandma to tell her that she got her ears pierced. I went on to tell my mom about the whole experience and commented that Cha is a very lucky child and I hope she appreciates it. I continued to think about it after I hung up. My daughter is very fortunate to have a life filled with good food, plenty of toys, a comfortable home, a family who adore her and a gaggle of shiny, happy girlfriends. But seriously, I am the fortunate one who has the physical, financial and emotional means to provide this life for my child. And I am the one blessed with the little girl that I always wanted.

So this is how the earrings happened. Yesterday I got a note from my girlfriend Jaime. She asked if I wanted to get together with her and her daughter Kenzie (who you might remember from here). We grabbed a bag of goodies (including multiple bathing suits because you just never know) and headed over to Kenzie's house. On the way Cha and I talked about getting her ears pierced, which she's been talking about for months.

When we got to Jaime's I mentioned that maybe we should go get Cha's ears done. Jaime laughed and said she was thinking of taking the girls to a girl's salon called Sweet and Sassy. Jaime called and found out that the Exton location was celebrating their one year birthday and having all sorts of free goodies, including a free limo ride. We thought it was fate so we packed up the girls and headed over. The salon was offering free hair styling, cotton candy, and water ice along with the limo ride. We topped it off with a maicure and made it the perfect day.

Cha was great during the ear piercing. The salon did a fantastic job of putting her at ease and making it a fun event. She sat in a princess chair and got to pick out her own earrings (pink stars). I sat in front of her and held her hands while two women stood on either side of her and quickly did the piercing. Cha barely winced and there wasn't a single tear. She immediately started smiling and showing off her beautiful ears. Later in the bathroom she told me 'Mommy, that really hurt' but hasn't mentioned the pain again.

The new look is darling and I'm so proud of my little girl. She really is turning into a girlie-girl despite me and my tomboy ways. I thought for certain she'd be a sports freak like I was but she loves dressing up, playing with dolls and pretending to put on make up. Honestly, I'm not sure why I even bothered to buy shorts this summer. She won't wear anything but dresses, especially the kind she can twirl.

Feeling uneasy

I just learned that Dr. S is going out on his own. He's leaving the practice and will only be seeing patients til the end of this month before he moves. I've got an appt with him on the 19th and I'm not quite sure if this is the last visit or if there will be more. I feel uneasy about the change. I mean, what if he's no longer covered by my insurance? What if his new office is too far away? What if he doesn't want me as a patient and he or the insurance company tell me I have to use one of the surgeons in the old practice??

I am pretty sure I am done with the reconstruction. There are a few areas of scar tissue that are still painful but not as bad as they were six months ago. The pain could lesson with time and I really don't think it's worth enduring more surgery. Maybe knowing that the 19th could be the very last meeting with Dr. S is what's making me uneasy. There is comfort in knowing that you're under someone's care. Granted, I still have my primary doctor and she takes very good care of me, but Dr. S has been the main guy for the last year and a half.

Cancer babble

I was watching the news last week and there was a story about breast cancer and early detection. I noticed that it didn't stop me in my tracks like those stories usually do. Before I was diagnosed anytime I saw a story about breast cancer I was in such denial that I'd turn them off. I knew about early detection and what needed to be done but I hated thinking about it all the time. B.C. (Before Cancer) I used to get super anxious thinking about mammograms. I cried before every test knowing that it would be bad news. I got my first mammogram at 35 and then got them every year following until Sept of 06 when the film showed 'something suspicious' and I was told to come back every six months. I was so panicked and just knew that the next one would be bad news that I made myself ill. I was due for my six month checkup in March 07 but the day of my scheduled appt we got hit with a terrible snow storm and they canceled on me. I was supposed to call back and reschedule but dug my head in the sand and couldn't deal.

In November 07 somehow I just knew that I had to call. One day I was so overcome with anxiety that I decided that I had to do it or I wouldn't be able to function anymore. I had a sinus infection and stayed home from work. I got up my courage to call and as soon as I got on the phone with the breast center I broke down. I blubbered and told the woman about how I was in denial and how I was overdue and was certain it was bad news. The woman was wonderful and scheduled me to come in the day after Thanksgiving. I was so thankful that they were open but was dreading what I knew would be bad news. It's odd how you know those things, you know?

The diagnosis came, just as I feared and when I started seeing those breast cancer awareness news stories I looked at them much differently. I didn't so much watch them as examine them. Was the information correct or slanted? Did the reporter even know what he/she was talking about?

So here it is a year and a half out and when those stories come on I just watch them and hope that they are getting through to the people who need to hear them. And I hope those people, both men and women, find the courage to do what needs to be done. I am one who feared the worst and was a bit of a baby about it, but overall it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought.

September Moms

These are all out of order but I guess it doesn't matter. It was an amazing weekend and worth every last mile and every last tantrum.

BBQ at Dr. Coonhead's house.

Our attempt at getting all the kids to line up together.
I have no clue how the teachers at school do it.

A very tired group of zoo go-ers

Cha, Willa and Rachel with the elephants

Cha had a giant crush on Lloyd (in the red). Wherever he was, she was there. At one point he asked her why she was always following him and she said: 'Because I like you.'
She's an honest girl

The Scorpion at the Zoo. Ick!

Dancing in the bar at the restaurant. These pics were taken by Cha