I had an appt with Dr. S this morning and as I feared he decided to aspirate. He looked at my chest and said that it was healing well but when he saw my belly he got a very serious look on his face. Then he started poking. Then he asked me to stand up while he poked some more. Then he said he had to do something about the fluid.
Gulp! He warned me that I wouldn't feel a thing but should turn my head. I sorta leaned against the examination table (for support, in case I passed out!) and he unwrapped a large needle and syringe. I stared at the ceiling and told him not to tell me what he was doing.
He was right, I didn't feel anything. I still don't have much feeling from my chest down to my lap, or in the back of my arms. There are some patches where everything is back to normal, but thankfully I feel nothing in my lower belly.
I looked down when he was putting a bandage on me and was surprised that there was just a tiny drop of blood. When he left the room and I started to get dressed I noticed all the bloody gauze and syringe on the table behind me. Yes, I am very glad I didn't look down earlier.
I don't go back to see him for two more weeks. He said I can schedule the Stage II surgery in May or June. That's where he goes in and makes things look pretty. I'll get a bit of lipo on my belly and he'll clean up some of the scars. I am opting out of reconstructed nipples. I've decided to just get the tattoos.
When I checked my claims this morning I noticed another surgery has been paid for. The only outstanding procedure is the initial reconstruction. The breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon worked on me at the same time and all the breast surgeon bills have been paid (or written) off.
Life is good.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Ready for the new numbers?
I just checked my insurance claims online and was relieved that they've paid for one of the three surgeries. The total billed to date is $254,715.20. The insurance company has paid out $59,928.75. The two pending surgeries total $109,000 and they are for the reconstruction. I'm praying I won't be responsible for any of that.
My out of pocket expenses are higher than I thought they'd be. It's all the little things that add up. I've got $750 for the two hospital stays, the $130 for the phone and TV usage while in the hospital, the $125+ in prescriptions, the $130 for the surgical bras and the $70 in doctor co-pays. However, I certainly got my money's worth out of my premiums!
It's scary to think of what will happen if I ever find myself out of work and without coverage for any length of time. Now that I'm a cancer survivor private insurance rates will be sky high, if I can find someone to cover me.
My out of pocket expenses are higher than I thought they'd be. It's all the little things that add up. I've got $750 for the two hospital stays, the $130 for the phone and TV usage while in the hospital, the $125+ in prescriptions, the $130 for the surgical bras and the $70 in doctor co-pays. However, I certainly got my money's worth out of my premiums!
It's scary to think of what will happen if I ever find myself out of work and without coverage for any length of time. Now that I'm a cancer survivor private insurance rates will be sky high, if I can find someone to cover me.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Post-Thanksgiving dinner bloat
That's how I've been feeling for the past 24 hours. I feel like I'm wearing jeans that are way too tight and need to be unbuttoned. It's worse tonight since the fluid is building up with no place to go.
I called Dr. S's office this morning about my runaway drain. He said not to worry about it and that he'd take a look at my appt on Friday.
The visiting nurse came by this afternoon and I asked her what she thought. She agreed with me that my stomach is much harder than last week, and not in a good way. It's like I've got a water balloon stuffed into my belly and it's very uncomfortable.
The nurse said it's highly doubtful that Dr. S will insert another drain or even try to pull the fluid out. She said my body will just have to absorb the extra fluid and that it will be a slow process. Great, I love slow processes.
I was finally starting to enjoy all my skinny pants and feeling thin. Now I'm having a hard time putting on my clothes again. I remember last week when I was celebrating getting rid of the drains in my breasts. I thought for sure I'd jump for joy when I finally lost the one in my belly. Having it fall out on it's own is not a happy thing.
I called Dr. S's office this morning about my runaway drain. He said not to worry about it and that he'd take a look at my appt on Friday.
The visiting nurse came by this afternoon and I asked her what she thought. She agreed with me that my stomach is much harder than last week, and not in a good way. It's like I've got a water balloon stuffed into my belly and it's very uncomfortable.
The nurse said it's highly doubtful that Dr. S will insert another drain or even try to pull the fluid out. She said my body will just have to absorb the extra fluid and that it will be a slow process. Great, I love slow processes.
I was finally starting to enjoy all my skinny pants and feeling thin. Now I'm having a hard time putting on my clothes again. I remember last week when I was celebrating getting rid of the drains in my breasts. I thought for sure I'd jump for joy when I finally lost the one in my belly. Having it fall out on it's own is not a happy thing.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Ha! Doesn't that figure....
Twelve hours ago Dr. S told me to wear my binder 24/7. I told him about my girdle but he said he preferred the binder. So, I've been wearing it all night. The thing is super uncomfortable and doesn't stay in place. I'm constantly adjusting it.
I tightened it right before I got into bed and as soon as I laid down I heard this 'pffst' sound. I felt around for the bulb at the end of the drain and noticed that it was full, as if the top had popped open and let air in. I got up and walked to the bathroom so see what was up and wouldn't you know that my drain fell out!?
Actually, it didn't fall out completely. There is (was?) ten or so inches of tube that was beneath the skin. (Barf, huh?) About four inches of it had slipped out. I tried to adjust it so that it would stay but it kept sliding out so I finally just yanked it. Way, way, way gross let me tell you. Especially since the fluid is now just pouring out of me.
I'll be calling Dr. S tomorrow morning and explaining what happened. I doubt he'll want to insert another drain but he'll probably want me to come in so he can aspirate, which he did to my breast a few weeks ago (and almost made me vomit).
See what happens when you listen to your doctor?
I tightened it right before I got into bed and as soon as I laid down I heard this 'pffst' sound. I felt around for the bulb at the end of the drain and noticed that it was full, as if the top had popped open and let air in. I got up and walked to the bathroom so see what was up and wouldn't you know that my drain fell out!?
Actually, it didn't fall out completely. There is (was?) ten or so inches of tube that was beneath the skin. (Barf, huh?) About four inches of it had slipped out. I tried to adjust it so that it would stay but it kept sliding out so I finally just yanked it. Way, way, way gross let me tell you. Especially since the fluid is now just pouring out of me.
I'll be calling Dr. S tomorrow morning and explaining what happened. I doubt he'll want to insert another drain but he'll probably want me to come in so he can aspirate, which he did to my breast a few weeks ago (and almost made me vomit).
See what happens when you listen to your doctor?
Busy Monday
Cha looked awful when she woke up this morning. She was warm and cranky and I thought for sure she'd be staying home with me today. I gave her some Motrin and she snuggled up on the couch with her bear for about an hour while I cleaned the kitchen and took a shower.
I was so relieved when I walked into the living room and found her singing and dancing and asking to go to school. Her nose is dripping like a faucet but she was in a relatively good mood so I got her dressed and took her to daycare.
After I dropped her off I had to rush to Exton to meet with Dr. S. I was supposed to see him last Friday but we got a bit of snow and I didn't feel like leaving the house. Besides the drain in my abdomen is still putting out too much fluid so I knew Dr. S wasn't going to take it out. I called them on Thursday afternoon and asked to change my appt to today hoping the fluid would mellow out over the weekend. No such luck however.
Today's appointment was very uneventful. I gave Dr. S the sheet of my daily fluid output and told him I knew the tube wasn't coming out. He told me I had to wear my binder 24/7, which I haven't been. I've been wearing a very tight girdle when I'm home and then snug maternity pants when I am out (which isn't often). He said that wasn't good enough, that the binder (or girdle) had to be on all the time. Ugh! It's so uncomfortable and makes driving very difficult.
Dr. S is leaving for vacation this weekend and will be gone for two weeks. I have an appt with him Friday morning so my goal is to get rid of all this extra fluid and have him finally pull that damn tube.
After my appointment I went home and found a voicemail from the boss man. There were a couple of things that I kinda needed to do so I called him and told him I'd stop in. What I needed to do only took fifteen minutes but I was at the office for two hours chatting with my co-workers. I have to admit that was kinda awkward. Every time I see someone I cringe when I notice them checking me out. Some are more obvious than others and I understand that it's natural to look, but it still makes me uncomfortable.
One co-worker's husband was diagnosed with colon cancer in December. He had surgery the week before me and is currently receiving chemotherapy. They are still deciding if he'll need radiation or not. His cancer was much more advanced than mine and they didn't have the luxury of time to obsess over treatment options. R's husband picked the only surgeon he knew and they scheduled the surgery on the first available day. Looking back R said they would have done things differently if they had the time to research.
Standing there talking to her I realized that we were both poster children for early and late detection. I found my cancer very early and had a very fortunate outcome. When he sat down to talk about the results his doctor said he really wished he had come in sooner. He's got a rough road ahead of him and I wish him strength and much success. He's decided to continue working full time during his treatment, so I think he's got the strength thing going for him already.
Tomorrow I get a visit from the nurse. She's a very nice woman and very compassionate. She asks lots of questions and is great with giving out information and explaining everything. While talking to R today she mentioned that she's been using betadine on her husband's wounds. He also suffered a few infections and was told to clean them with betadine and peroxide. I plan on asking the nurse about it tomorrow. I was told to just use neosporin on my open wounds but it's been weeks and they are slow to heal. Dr. S didn't think they were a problem when he looked at them today but I'm anxious for my body to stop oozing.
I've been using peroxide on my belly button and it's looking good. I tried some on my chest and belly scar (which is still beyond icky) and it seemed to help. I still have very little feeling in either spot so the peroxide didn't hurt like I feared. Both areas bubbled over and turned red (which is good, right??) but I didn't feel a thing.
I'll update tomorrow after our visit.
I was so relieved when I walked into the living room and found her singing and dancing and asking to go to school. Her nose is dripping like a faucet but she was in a relatively good mood so I got her dressed and took her to daycare.
After I dropped her off I had to rush to Exton to meet with Dr. S. I was supposed to see him last Friday but we got a bit of snow and I didn't feel like leaving the house. Besides the drain in my abdomen is still putting out too much fluid so I knew Dr. S wasn't going to take it out. I called them on Thursday afternoon and asked to change my appt to today hoping the fluid would mellow out over the weekend. No such luck however.
Today's appointment was very uneventful. I gave Dr. S the sheet of my daily fluid output and told him I knew the tube wasn't coming out. He told me I had to wear my binder 24/7, which I haven't been. I've been wearing a very tight girdle when I'm home and then snug maternity pants when I am out (which isn't often). He said that wasn't good enough, that the binder (or girdle) had to be on all the time. Ugh! It's so uncomfortable and makes driving very difficult.
Dr. S is leaving for vacation this weekend and will be gone for two weeks. I have an appt with him Friday morning so my goal is to get rid of all this extra fluid and have him finally pull that damn tube.
After my appointment I went home and found a voicemail from the boss man. There were a couple of things that I kinda needed to do so I called him and told him I'd stop in. What I needed to do only took fifteen minutes but I was at the office for two hours chatting with my co-workers. I have to admit that was kinda awkward. Every time I see someone I cringe when I notice them checking me out. Some are more obvious than others and I understand that it's natural to look, but it still makes me uncomfortable.
One co-worker's husband was diagnosed with colon cancer in December. He had surgery the week before me and is currently receiving chemotherapy. They are still deciding if he'll need radiation or not. His cancer was much more advanced than mine and they didn't have the luxury of time to obsess over treatment options. R's husband picked the only surgeon he knew and they scheduled the surgery on the first available day. Looking back R said they would have done things differently if they had the time to research.
Standing there talking to her I realized that we were both poster children for early and late detection. I found my cancer very early and had a very fortunate outcome. When he sat down to talk about the results his doctor said he really wished he had come in sooner. He's got a rough road ahead of him and I wish him strength and much success. He's decided to continue working full time during his treatment, so I think he's got the strength thing going for him already.
Tomorrow I get a visit from the nurse. She's a very nice woman and very compassionate. She asks lots of questions and is great with giving out information and explaining everything. While talking to R today she mentioned that she's been using betadine on her husband's wounds. He also suffered a few infections and was told to clean them with betadine and peroxide. I plan on asking the nurse about it tomorrow. I was told to just use neosporin on my open wounds but it's been weeks and they are slow to heal. Dr. S didn't think they were a problem when he looked at them today but I'm anxious for my body to stop oozing.
I've been using peroxide on my belly button and it's looking good. I tried some on my chest and belly scar (which is still beyond icky) and it seemed to help. I still have very little feeling in either spot so the peroxide didn't hurt like I feared. Both areas bubbled over and turned red (which is good, right??) but I didn't feel a thing.
I'll update tomorrow after our visit.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Mistakes
I know this poster is supposed to be a joke, but for several years I've thought it was an accurate description of my life.
The fine print: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
The fine print: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
and then there was one.....
Dr. S took out the two drains from my breasts this morning. It was the most liberating feeling ever! I still have one in my abdomen but that will probably come out at my next appt on Friday.
He said he was very happy with my recovery and admitted that he didn't expect me to make this much progress so soon, given how rough the first two weeks were. He removed the rest of my stitches and suggested that I rub cocoa butter on my belly scar. I'm not supposed to do anything with my breasts yet. Someone suggested massaging them to help with the hardness and swelling but he asked me not to. His orders have served me well so far, so I'll stick with them.
My belly is getting flatter by the day. I picked up a couple maternity pants at the Good Will before the surgery and they are already too big on me. (FYI, the support band on the maternity pants feel great against my belly.) Last week I stopped to get another pair (size L) and they fit perfectly, for the time being. I don't want to spend too much on clothes until I find out what my final size is going to be.
I've been in contact with the owner of the Sleep Bra and she's selling me a couple at a reduced price. They should be coming in this week and I can't wait to slip one on. Aside from being stained the old bras are also way too big. I ordered smaller sizes (40C) and I'm sure they will feel much more comfortable.
That's the news for today!
He said he was very happy with my recovery and admitted that he didn't expect me to make this much progress so soon, given how rough the first two weeks were. He removed the rest of my stitches and suggested that I rub cocoa butter on my belly scar. I'm not supposed to do anything with my breasts yet. Someone suggested massaging them to help with the hardness and swelling but he asked me not to. His orders have served me well so far, so I'll stick with them.
My belly is getting flatter by the day. I picked up a couple maternity pants at the Good Will before the surgery and they are already too big on me. (FYI, the support band on the maternity pants feel great against my belly.) Last week I stopped to get another pair (size L) and they fit perfectly, for the time being. I don't want to spend too much on clothes until I find out what my final size is going to be.
I've been in contact with the owner of the Sleep Bra and she's selling me a couple at a reduced price. They should be coming in this week and I can't wait to slip one on. Aside from being stained the old bras are also way too big. I ordered smaller sizes (40C) and I'm sure they will feel much more comfortable.
That's the news for today!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Those 'obesity' shots
There was a story on my local news this morning about obesity and death rates, or something. I was barely awake and not really paying attention. All I really noticed was the shots of a dozen or so fat people and it got me wondering.
How do they get those shots? Does a camera man sit on a corner and wait for an obese person to walk by and then film them? Does he need to get a release and what exactly does he say to the subject in regards to how they are going to use the footage?
'Excuse me, we're doing a story on obese people and would like to use your body as an example.'
I know they don't ever show the heads, but c'mon...people know who they are! If I saw my fat body shown on the TV I would recognize it immediately. So would my husband, family, friends and most likely my co-workers.
And why exactly do they need to show pictures of fat people? It seems mean and unnecessary.
Anyway, it's Sunday morning and I had an exhausting day yesterday. I had a shrink appt in the morning, a playdate in the afternoon and visit with family afterwards. By 6:00 I could barely keep my eyes open and was fast asleep by 7:00. Matt is working today so Cha and I are on our own. Wish me luck!
How do they get those shots? Does a camera man sit on a corner and wait for an obese person to walk by and then film them? Does he need to get a release and what exactly does he say to the subject in regards to how they are going to use the footage?
'Excuse me, we're doing a story on obese people and would like to use your body as an example.'
I know they don't ever show the heads, but c'mon...people know who they are! If I saw my fat body shown on the TV I would recognize it immediately. So would my husband, family, friends and most likely my co-workers.
And why exactly do they need to show pictures of fat people? It seems mean and unnecessary.
Anyway, it's Sunday morning and I had an exhausting day yesterday. I had a shrink appt in the morning, a playdate in the afternoon and visit with family afterwards. By 6:00 I could barely keep my eyes open and was fast asleep by 7:00. Matt is working today so Cha and I are on our own. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Five visits
On Monday I had an appt with the Infectious Disease doctor. He's the one who took over when my breasts were infected the second week. He put me on some super antibiotics but was bummed that he couldn't pin point what exactly was going on.
Well, on Monday he looked at my breasts and said he was very pleased with the way they are healing. It's so nice to have someone look at this scarred up chest of mine and say it looks great. He's a tiny bit concerned with the amount of fluid that is still draining but doesn't think it's anything too serious. He said if it doesn't improve in the next two weeks he might ask the PS to go back in and take some more tissue. I have high hopes that it won't come to that.
On the way to my appt I broke a molar. I bit into a very soft muffin and my tooth just cracked. It totally grossed me out and I called my dentist to see if they could get me in asap. Fortunately they squeezed me in Monday afternoon where I learned that a root canal and crown are in my future. As if I haven't had enough pain in my life these last couple of months.
I met with my plasic surgeon on Tuesday. Cha's school closed due to some mysterious invisible snow storm, so I was forced to bring her with me. She did surprisingly well in the examination room. I gave her a goodie bag of candy and she was happy as a clam. She sat in a corner and watched as the doctor did all sorts of bizarre things to my body.
Dr. S is also concerned about the fluid level. He said there was no way he could take out any of my drains right now and thinks that the two drains that fell out weeks ago are to blame for the slow drainage. At one point he grabbed a syringe and pulled fluid out of my left breast. He warned me ahead of time that it wouldn't hurt but that I should probably look away. He knows how skittish I am so it was a smart move. I could kinda feel what was going on but it wasn't painful, just a bit disturbing.
Overall he was also pleased with how my body is healing. My belly scar is coming along nicely I'm just still very swollen. He told me to keep up the good work, gave Cha a high-five and we were done. I've got to go back and see him next Monday for another follow up and I have my fingers crossed that these drains will be history (will I ever get tired of saying that??)
My fourth visit of the week (yep, it's still only Wednesday) was the visiting nurse who came today. She also told me that my breasts were looking fantastic and she could definitely see the progress. Last week she suggested I pick up some protein shakes and vitamin C to speed up the healing and today I gave her the awesome 'maxi-pad in the bra' tip. I think we're even. She said it was great news that the PS took out my stitches, which I hadn't even noticed. He must have done that on the sly while I had my head turned trying not to vomit.
Tomorrow I have to get some blood work done and then at 6:30 I'll be back at the dentist to begin the pre-root canal work. What a glorious way to spend Valentine's day, eh?
Friday is the first free day I've had in a while. I'm hoping to get out of the house and meet some friends from work for lunch. I promise not to overdo it!
Well, on Monday he looked at my breasts and said he was very pleased with the way they are healing. It's so nice to have someone look at this scarred up chest of mine and say it looks great. He's a tiny bit concerned with the amount of fluid that is still draining but doesn't think it's anything too serious. He said if it doesn't improve in the next two weeks he might ask the PS to go back in and take some more tissue. I have high hopes that it won't come to that.
On the way to my appt I broke a molar. I bit into a very soft muffin and my tooth just cracked. It totally grossed me out and I called my dentist to see if they could get me in asap. Fortunately they squeezed me in Monday afternoon where I learned that a root canal and crown are in my future. As if I haven't had enough pain in my life these last couple of months.
I met with my plasic surgeon on Tuesday. Cha's school closed due to some mysterious invisible snow storm, so I was forced to bring her with me. She did surprisingly well in the examination room. I gave her a goodie bag of candy and she was happy as a clam. She sat in a corner and watched as the doctor did all sorts of bizarre things to my body.
Dr. S is also concerned about the fluid level. He said there was no way he could take out any of my drains right now and thinks that the two drains that fell out weeks ago are to blame for the slow drainage. At one point he grabbed a syringe and pulled fluid out of my left breast. He warned me ahead of time that it wouldn't hurt but that I should probably look away. He knows how skittish I am so it was a smart move. I could kinda feel what was going on but it wasn't painful, just a bit disturbing.
Overall he was also pleased with how my body is healing. My belly scar is coming along nicely I'm just still very swollen. He told me to keep up the good work, gave Cha a high-five and we were done. I've got to go back and see him next Monday for another follow up and I have my fingers crossed that these drains will be history (will I ever get tired of saying that??)
My fourth visit of the week (yep, it's still only Wednesday) was the visiting nurse who came today. She also told me that my breasts were looking fantastic and she could definitely see the progress. Last week she suggested I pick up some protein shakes and vitamin C to speed up the healing and today I gave her the awesome 'maxi-pad in the bra' tip. I think we're even. She said it was great news that the PS took out my stitches, which I hadn't even noticed. He must have done that on the sly while I had my head turned trying not to vomit.
Tomorrow I have to get some blood work done and then at 6:30 I'll be back at the dentist to begin the pre-root canal work. What a glorious way to spend Valentine's day, eh?
Friday is the first free day I've had in a while. I'm hoping to get out of the house and meet some friends from work for lunch. I promise not to overdo it!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Genius!
Okay, not to get too graphic but I've got a couple tears in the stitching of my breasts and they leak like crazy. I grabbed a box of absorbent pads when I left the hospital but those didn't even last a week. I've tried a half dozen different types of pads and gauze strips but nothing has worked. I always leak thru my bra to my shirt. It's gross and the constant cleaning is getting old.
Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to try to find the hospital pads. They didn't have any but I got the genius idea to try maxi-pads. I picked up a box of thin-maxis just to see if they'd work and OMG they are perfect!
I can stick a couple on to my bra, lather myself up with Neosporin and be done with it. I had no leakage yesterday and the adhesive back makes it so much easier to get things together.
I have an appt with the PS tomorrow and we'll see what he says when he notices the maxi pads on my chest.
(yes, it's the little things that excite me these days.)
Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to try to find the hospital pads. They didn't have any but I got the genius idea to try maxi-pads. I picked up a box of thin-maxis just to see if they'd work and OMG they are perfect!
I can stick a couple on to my bra, lather myself up with Neosporin and be done with it. I had no leakage yesterday and the adhesive back makes it so much easier to get things together.
I have an appt with the PS tomorrow and we'll see what he says when he notices the maxi pads on my chest.
(yes, it's the little things that excite me these days.)
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Quick insurance rant
When I was first diagnosed I called my insurance company to inform them and check on my benefits. The woman I spoke to was very helpful and gave me lots of good information. That was way back in the first week of December.
Two days ago I got a call from someone from the insurance company. She was from some special cancer patient program or something and she said she was checking up on me. She also wanted to inform me of a few benefits that I might not know about.
She wondered if I knew that I had travel benefits that would cover x amount of dollars should I choose to travel for a second opinion. The benefits also covered family traveling with me and lodging should I require overnight visits.
I told her that I was diagnosed in December and was actually already recovering from my surgery. She assumed that I was going for chemo treatment and asked when they would start. I very proudly stated that the cancer was 100% gone and I didn't require any further treatment. She seemed upset. 'Are you sure? I can't tell you how many women are told they do not need chemo only to see the cancer come back.' She strongly suggested that I go back for a second opinion before I make any decisions and again mentioned the travel benefits to do so.
Hmm, am I sure? I currently have no breast tissue in my entire body. I have sore arms from the lymph node biopsy. The pathology report came back clean on all counts. As far as I am concerned I am celebrating being cancer-free. Do I really need a second opinion at this point?
Not that this woman wasn't being helpful. My insurance company offers fantastic benefits and I am grateful for them. I'm just saying her call was two months too late.
Two days ago I got a call from someone from the insurance company. She was from some special cancer patient program or something and she said she was checking up on me. She also wanted to inform me of a few benefits that I might not know about.
She wondered if I knew that I had travel benefits that would cover x amount of dollars should I choose to travel for a second opinion. The benefits also covered family traveling with me and lodging should I require overnight visits.
I told her that I was diagnosed in December and was actually already recovering from my surgery. She assumed that I was going for chemo treatment and asked when they would start. I very proudly stated that the cancer was 100% gone and I didn't require any further treatment. She seemed upset. 'Are you sure? I can't tell you how many women are told they do not need chemo only to see the cancer come back.' She strongly suggested that I go back for a second opinion before I make any decisions and again mentioned the travel benefits to do so.
Hmm, am I sure? I currently have no breast tissue in my entire body. I have sore arms from the lymph node biopsy. The pathology report came back clean on all counts. As far as I am concerned I am celebrating being cancer-free. Do I really need a second opinion at this point?
Not that this woman wasn't being helpful. My insurance company offers fantastic benefits and I am grateful for them. I'm just saying her call was two months too late.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Best.Bra.Ever!
When I woke up from my second surgery I was wearing a bra. It was the coolest thing ever and felt so comfortable. It's got clasps in the back and zips up the front, and it was cute! This is the cutest bra I've worn in a long time.
A few days after my surgery as my breasts started leaking my bra got a bit icky. I asked one of the nurses to steal another one for me from the O.R. and was so excited when she brought it back to my room. I put it on and felt like I was in heaven!
I only have the two bras which means I am washing one every day. My breasts are still goopy and despite the gauze and pads I still leak thru to the bra. This afternoon I ventured out to Kohls to see if I could find something similar but there really isn't much out there. It's hard to wear the suggested sports bras when you can't really lift your arms over your head, you know?
Anyway, the bras are called Sleep Bra and aren't available in stores. If you happen upon them anywhere please let me know.
A few days after my surgery as my breasts started leaking my bra got a bit icky. I asked one of the nurses to steal another one for me from the O.R. and was so excited when she brought it back to my room. I put it on and felt like I was in heaven!
I only have the two bras which means I am washing one every day. My breasts are still goopy and despite the gauze and pads I still leak thru to the bra. This afternoon I ventured out to Kohls to see if I could find something similar but there really isn't much out there. It's hard to wear the suggested sports bras when you can't really lift your arms over your head, you know?
Anyway, the bras are called Sleep Bra and aren't available in stores. If you happen upon them anywhere please let me know.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Sleep, glorious sleep!
I've been napping all week. Tobi got to town on Tuesday and she immediately took control of the house and Cha. It was wonderful not having to worry about anything and allowed me to sleep, sleep, and sleep.
Wednesday morning Tobi took me to my appt with my family doctor. The surgeon was certain I had diabetes which contributed to all the complications last week. My daily labs and finger sticks in the hospital showed that my sugar levels were out of control. I was getting insulin shots a couple times a day and they put me on a restricted diet. I had blood work done prior to the surgery and everything was fine so Dr. S wanted me to check things out with my family doctor.
Dr. M gave me a diabetes lecture with lots of information, an accu-check and a script for lancets and strips. I was instructed to test my sugar levels several times a day and go see the diabetes dietitian at the hospital. She gave me paperwork to immediately get my blood work down at the lab downstairs, which I did. I've been stressing over the diabetes factor and dreading being on insulin for the rest of my life.
Well, Dr. M's office called this morning to say that I tested negative for diabetes and my sugar levels were actually very normal. All the stress of the cancer and the surgery was just doing wacky things to my system. They did find that my potassium was a bit elevated but I think that's because I've been eating a lot of bananas this week (trying to be healthy and all!) They told me to cut out on all the bananas for a bit and go back next week for a second set of blood work. I am sooooo relieved that I don't have diabetes. I feel like I really dodged a bullet on that one.
Today I met with the plastic surgeon and he had wonderful things to say. I am healing very well and everything is right on track. One of my drains fell out of my left breast and he removed another from my right breast today, so I am down to a mere three drains. I have another appt with Dr. S next week and wouldn't be surprised if they all come out then. They really aren't draining too much now.
I've been a real slacker about returning emails and phone calls this week. That's because I've been sleeping so much. I was exhausted after my doctor visits and had to come home each day and take a four hour nap. Then I'd get a quick cat nap before dinner and another before bedtime. I feel great, I just think my body needs to sleep and relax.
Here's Tobi and I tonight before dinner. As you can see, we're having a fun time.
I promise to update more tomorrow. It's midnight now and I can't believe I'm awake!
Wednesday morning Tobi took me to my appt with my family doctor. The surgeon was certain I had diabetes which contributed to all the complications last week. My daily labs and finger sticks in the hospital showed that my sugar levels were out of control. I was getting insulin shots a couple times a day and they put me on a restricted diet. I had blood work done prior to the surgery and everything was fine so Dr. S wanted me to check things out with my family doctor.
Dr. M gave me a diabetes lecture with lots of information, an accu-check and a script for lancets and strips. I was instructed to test my sugar levels several times a day and go see the diabetes dietitian at the hospital. She gave me paperwork to immediately get my blood work down at the lab downstairs, which I did. I've been stressing over the diabetes factor and dreading being on insulin for the rest of my life.
Well, Dr. M's office called this morning to say that I tested negative for diabetes and my sugar levels were actually very normal. All the stress of the cancer and the surgery was just doing wacky things to my system. They did find that my potassium was a bit elevated but I think that's because I've been eating a lot of bananas this week (trying to be healthy and all!) They told me to cut out on all the bananas for a bit and go back next week for a second set of blood work. I am sooooo relieved that I don't have diabetes. I feel like I really dodged a bullet on that one.
Today I met with the plastic surgeon and he had wonderful things to say. I am healing very well and everything is right on track. One of my drains fell out of my left breast and he removed another from my right breast today, so I am down to a mere three drains. I have another appt with Dr. S next week and wouldn't be surprised if they all come out then. They really aren't draining too much now.
I've been a real slacker about returning emails and phone calls this week. That's because I've been sleeping so much. I was exhausted after my doctor visits and had to come home each day and take a four hour nap. Then I'd get a quick cat nap before dinner and another before bedtime. I feel great, I just think my body needs to sleep and relax.
Here's Tobi and I tonight before dinner. As you can see, we're having a fun time.
I promise to update more tomorrow. It's midnight now and I can't believe I'm awake!
My Art Project
Several weeks ago I ordered some Girl Scout cookies from one of the girls up the street. She came by to deliver them on Tuesday. I've been wandering around the house in my PJs with my drains pinned to my shirt and didn't really think anything of it when I answered the door.
I gave her the money for the cookies and she handed over the boxes and then she said:
Are you working on an art project?
It took a minute for me to figure out what she meant then I realized the drains looked like some sort of artists tool belt. I had to laugh and tell her they were for my surgery and then I apologized for not covering up.
Here's my groovy art project:
I gave her the money for the cookies and she handed over the boxes and then she said:
Are you working on an art project?
It took a minute for me to figure out what she meant then I realized the drains looked like some sort of artists tool belt. I had to laugh and tell her they were for my surgery and then I apologized for not covering up.
Here's my groovy art project:
Monday, February 4, 2008
A very good day
I had a very good day. My pain was minimal, I was able to get around the house easily, I got a good system going with the drains and the meds and I am finally feeling 'smaller.'
With all the ups and downs that have been going on with my breasts the past two weeks I could never get a feel for the final product (pun intended). Today the swelling has gone way down and while they are still lumpy and bruised I can see how it won't be too much longer before they're actually normal.
My lap still looks hideous and bruised. Despite all the swelling I am finally wearing pants two sizes smaller and they are loose around my waist. I was feeling blue last week when I got home and not even my fattest of fat clothes fit. Yes, it is minor and vain but when your body hurts as much as mine did the last thing you want to worry about is looking like an even bigger cow than you feel.
BFF Kel picked up Cha from daycare today and helped with housecleaning. Cha followed her around upstairs and chatted her up while Kel changed sheets and did a load of laundry. I hope that some day I will be able to repay Kel for all the emotional, physical and spiritual support she has given me. She's a dear friend and I will forever treasure her. (Oh, she's also an incredible real estate agent - check her out!)
With all the ups and downs that have been going on with my breasts the past two weeks I could never get a feel for the final product (pun intended). Today the swelling has gone way down and while they are still lumpy and bruised I can see how it won't be too much longer before they're actually normal.
My lap still looks hideous and bruised. Despite all the swelling I am finally wearing pants two sizes smaller and they are loose around my waist. I was feeling blue last week when I got home and not even my fattest of fat clothes fit. Yes, it is minor and vain but when your body hurts as much as mine did the last thing you want to worry about is looking like an even bigger cow than you feel.
BFF Kel picked up Cha from daycare today and helped with housecleaning. Cha followed her around upstairs and chatted her up while Kel changed sheets and did a load of laundry. I hope that some day I will be able to repay Kel for all the emotional, physical and spiritual support she has given me. She's a dear friend and I will forever treasure her. (Oh, she's also an incredible real estate agent - check her out!)
Sunday, February 3, 2008
She soothes my soul
I am home. The doctor gave me the all clear around noon but they wanted to get a bit more antibiotics into my system before I walked out the door. They inserted a PICC line in my arm last Monday after five of my veins bailed in a few hour period. It made it easy to give me a/b and draw blood but it kept me in the hospital three extra hours as I had to wait for someone to come remove it.
Cha and Matt came to pick me up and we were all excited to see each other. It was just the three of us at home tonight and it was wonderful relaxing and laughing with each other. When it came time for bed Matt had a very hard time putting her down. She just didn't want to go but was obviously super exhausted.
After 20 minutes of screaming in her room I walked upstairs and climbed over her baby gate. I knew that she wanted me to sleep on the floor next to her but I explained that I was too sick but I would sit on her glider and sing to her while she slept. The second I sat down she climbed up on my lap and laid her head on my chest. She let out a very loud sigh and her body relaxed in my arms.
I told her that I loved her and that I missed her when I was gone. I said I hoped I would never have to leave her again but I was home now and could hold her all night. She looked up and said 'I love you Mommy'.
We rocked for nearly an hour and at first I sang to her but then just held on and rocked. Her bottom was on my thighs and altho her head was directly on my breasts it wasn't too uncomfortable. She certainly didn't do any permanent damage. With every body twitch and visible sigh I knew this was what it was all about. She is why I've got to get my body back together and keep myself healthy for the next 40 years. If ever I feel like giving up again I'll have to remind myself of the rocker and how my little girl is blessed with magic healing powers.
Cha and Matt came to pick me up and we were all excited to see each other. It was just the three of us at home tonight and it was wonderful relaxing and laughing with each other. When it came time for bed Matt had a very hard time putting her down. She just didn't want to go but was obviously super exhausted.
After 20 minutes of screaming in her room I walked upstairs and climbed over her baby gate. I knew that she wanted me to sleep on the floor next to her but I explained that I was too sick but I would sit on her glider and sing to her while she slept. The second I sat down she climbed up on my lap and laid her head on my chest. She let out a very loud sigh and her body relaxed in my arms.
I told her that I loved her and that I missed her when I was gone. I said I hoped I would never have to leave her again but I was home now and could hold her all night. She looked up and said 'I love you Mommy'.
We rocked for nearly an hour and at first I sang to her but then just held on and rocked. Her bottom was on my thighs and altho her head was directly on my breasts it wasn't too uncomfortable. She certainly didn't do any permanent damage. With every body twitch and visible sigh I knew this was what it was all about. She is why I've got to get my body back together and keep myself healthy for the next 40 years. If ever I feel like giving up again I'll have to remind myself of the rocker and how my little girl is blessed with magic healing powers.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Personal Journey
This is going to be a very sensitive post and while I hope I don't hurt too many feelings, I need to get things out.
What I need from recovery is:
Someone to take care of my child, entertain her, bathe her and put her to bed every night. When she is screaming wild I need someone to take her outside and run off her steam, or simply take her to the grocery store to give me some peace.
A clean sink so I can fill up my Brita container and have fresh water to take my meds. When I pull an empty Brita out of the fridge at 2:00 in the morning and cannot fill it due to three nights worth of dirty dishes, I get sad and frustrated. I scrubbed the dishes myself and put them in the dishwasher and hurt myself.
Someone to feed my cats every single morning. If everyone sleeps in and the cats don't get fed they come scratching for me. I am unable to bend down and feed the cats. I tried and hurt myself. One morning while I opened the fridge to grab some yogurt one of the kitties climbed up my bare legs and scratched my chest. He hadn't been fed and was looking for food. I screamed and bled like hell.
Someone to rub my back. The doctor said I had some fluids in my lungs and while I was doing a good job of coughing things up, he wanted someone to rub my back to keep things loose.
Instead of the above stated help I got a whole lot of fights last weekend. My mom was sick and in bed 24/7 so she was unable to provide any assistance. I knew she had pneumonia and despite Matt and I begging her to go to the doctor she refused and just stayed sick. My fears of catching her illness quickly turned to major anxiety.
My niece was completely over her head taking care of two children. She didn't have the experience to juggle the two and sad to say Cha and the housekeeping took a distant third.
My husband continued to work 50 hours a week and came home pissed every night that the house was a mess, Cha was too wild and everyone in the house got to nap all day but him. He took his anger out on me. If I asked him to do something he would say no, that I had to ask Regina. I asked him to rub my back and he said he was too busy playing his video game. He thought it was a valid excuse since he worked all day and needed to wind down somehow. One morning Cha woke up at 5:00 am. Matt carried her downstairs and put her on the couch next to me then went back upstairs to go back to sleep. I was in no condition to take care of a 2 year old and felt so betrayed that he expected me to, so I just cried.
It was an angry and stress filled house. The visiting nurse made mention of it Sunday morning when she came to check up on me. It took all I had not to cry because I was at the end of my rope. Everyone was mad and no one was taking care of me. I was preparing my own meals, showering on my own, changing my own dressing, emptying my drains and cleaning up the house.
Sunday afternoon MIL left a voicemail saying that she wanted to stop by that night if it was okay. I told Matt that I wasn't feeling well and wasn't up for visitors. He got angry and said I had no right to tell him that he couldn't have his parents over.
While they were there my temp jumped to 101 and then finally 102. After they left I called my doctor and he told me to get to the ER immediately.
They settled me in for the night and the next morning I started all the testing. It was during one of the tests that I started breaking down. I just couldn't hold it together anymore and asked someone to call my shrink. He was on the phone in less than a half hour and we talked for a bit. It was during this discussion that I admitted that it was too much for me and I was beginning to feel like I just didn't want to keep trying anymore. I was in the most pain I've ever experienced and every day felt like a huge fight, but I couldn't see the pay off. Why was I trying so hard for such a shitty homelife?
When Dr. M2 got off the phone with me he did the only thing he could do, he called my nurses and instructed them to put me on a suicide watch. I was placed on one-on-one which meant that I was not allowed to be alone. Several doctors came in to talk to me and the nurses were extra sensitive. I was told that when I was released I might either have to find another place to stay or that Matt would, until we get things figured out. All I knew was that I needed someone to help me recover and that I couldn't do it on my own.
I was taken off suicide watch after two days. I never seriously wanted to hurt myself. I stopped taking my anti-depressants the day of my surgery and hadn't gone back on them, so I think that might help to explain things.
This is a long personal journey and it's true that unless you've walked in these shoes you have no clue what it's like. And I'm sure it's different from woman to woman too.
Thanks for reading.
What I need from recovery is:
Someone to take care of my child, entertain her, bathe her and put her to bed every night. When she is screaming wild I need someone to take her outside and run off her steam, or simply take her to the grocery store to give me some peace.
A clean sink so I can fill up my Brita container and have fresh water to take my meds. When I pull an empty Brita out of the fridge at 2:00 in the morning and cannot fill it due to three nights worth of dirty dishes, I get sad and frustrated. I scrubbed the dishes myself and put them in the dishwasher and hurt myself.
Someone to feed my cats every single morning. If everyone sleeps in and the cats don't get fed they come scratching for me. I am unable to bend down and feed the cats. I tried and hurt myself. One morning while I opened the fridge to grab some yogurt one of the kitties climbed up my bare legs and scratched my chest. He hadn't been fed and was looking for food. I screamed and bled like hell.
Someone to rub my back. The doctor said I had some fluids in my lungs and while I was doing a good job of coughing things up, he wanted someone to rub my back to keep things loose.
Instead of the above stated help I got a whole lot of fights last weekend. My mom was sick and in bed 24/7 so she was unable to provide any assistance. I knew she had pneumonia and despite Matt and I begging her to go to the doctor she refused and just stayed sick. My fears of catching her illness quickly turned to major anxiety.
My niece was completely over her head taking care of two children. She didn't have the experience to juggle the two and sad to say Cha and the housekeeping took a distant third.
My husband continued to work 50 hours a week and came home pissed every night that the house was a mess, Cha was too wild and everyone in the house got to nap all day but him. He took his anger out on me. If I asked him to do something he would say no, that I had to ask Regina. I asked him to rub my back and he said he was too busy playing his video game. He thought it was a valid excuse since he worked all day and needed to wind down somehow. One morning Cha woke up at 5:00 am. Matt carried her downstairs and put her on the couch next to me then went back upstairs to go back to sleep. I was in no condition to take care of a 2 year old and felt so betrayed that he expected me to, so I just cried.
It was an angry and stress filled house. The visiting nurse made mention of it Sunday morning when she came to check up on me. It took all I had not to cry because I was at the end of my rope. Everyone was mad and no one was taking care of me. I was preparing my own meals, showering on my own, changing my own dressing, emptying my drains and cleaning up the house.
Sunday afternoon MIL left a voicemail saying that she wanted to stop by that night if it was okay. I told Matt that I wasn't feeling well and wasn't up for visitors. He got angry and said I had no right to tell him that he couldn't have his parents over.
While they were there my temp jumped to 101 and then finally 102. After they left I called my doctor and he told me to get to the ER immediately.
They settled me in for the night and the next morning I started all the testing. It was during one of the tests that I started breaking down. I just couldn't hold it together anymore and asked someone to call my shrink. He was on the phone in less than a half hour and we talked for a bit. It was during this discussion that I admitted that it was too much for me and I was beginning to feel like I just didn't want to keep trying anymore. I was in the most pain I've ever experienced and every day felt like a huge fight, but I couldn't see the pay off. Why was I trying so hard for such a shitty homelife?
When Dr. M2 got off the phone with me he did the only thing he could do, he called my nurses and instructed them to put me on a suicide watch. I was placed on one-on-one which meant that I was not allowed to be alone. Several doctors came in to talk to me and the nurses were extra sensitive. I was told that when I was released I might either have to find another place to stay or that Matt would, until we get things figured out. All I knew was that I needed someone to help me recover and that I couldn't do it on my own.
I was taken off suicide watch after two days. I never seriously wanted to hurt myself. I stopped taking my anti-depressants the day of my surgery and hadn't gone back on them, so I think that might help to explain things.
This is a long personal journey and it's true that unless you've walked in these shoes you have no clue what it's like. And I'm sure it's different from woman to woman too.
Thanks for reading.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Update
This update is long overdue, but I've been in no condition to put my thoughts together or type.
I was released last Friday and the weekend was tough. My family didn't know what to do with me or how to help, so I took on too much myself. My body was not happy with this at all and had decided it needed a break.
Matt invited the ILs over for dinner dinner Sunday night and I think all the excitement pushed me over the edge. My temp soared to 102 and I called my doctor. He told me to get to the emergency room ASAP and he would meet me there.
They admitted me and spent the next three days running every test they could. I was still running a fever and my white blood count was much too high. On Thursday the Infectious Disease Doctor and my Plastic Surgeon decided it had to be my breasts. They ran a culture last night and decided to rush me to surgery. I had planned on taking before shots of my breasts to show exactly how enormous and swollen they were, now it's just burned into the minds of the select few who actually saw them in person. The only word to truly decide them is EWWWWWW.
I got out of surgery at 1030 and I felt a 100 times better. I haven't had a temp since and the pain is much easier to take.
Despite receiving four units of blood, my white cell count is still too high so there's no plan to release me over the weekend. The Infectious Disease doctor said he'd like to keep me til at least Monday. We'll see.
There's a whole lot more to the story and I'm not quite sure I'll share. Maybe someday but I a not in my top form at the moment.
Thanks for the prayers and for thinking of me. I'm still gun shy about having visitors for the time being. I'll let you know when I feel up to seeing people.
I was released last Friday and the weekend was tough. My family didn't know what to do with me or how to help, so I took on too much myself. My body was not happy with this at all and had decided it needed a break.
Matt invited the ILs over for dinner dinner Sunday night and I think all the excitement pushed me over the edge. My temp soared to 102 and I called my doctor. He told me to get to the emergency room ASAP and he would meet me there.
They admitted me and spent the next three days running every test they could. I was still running a fever and my white blood count was much too high. On Thursday the Infectious Disease Doctor and my Plastic Surgeon decided it had to be my breasts. They ran a culture last night and decided to rush me to surgery. I had planned on taking before shots of my breasts to show exactly how enormous and swollen they were, now it's just burned into the minds of the select few who actually saw them in person. The only word to truly decide them is EWWWWWW.
I got out of surgery at 1030 and I felt a 100 times better. I haven't had a temp since and the pain is much easier to take.
Despite receiving four units of blood, my white cell count is still too high so there's no plan to release me over the weekend. The Infectious Disease doctor said he'd like to keep me til at least Monday. We'll see.
There's a whole lot more to the story and I'm not quite sure I'll share. Maybe someday but I a not in my top form at the moment.
Thanks for the prayers and for thinking of me. I'm still gun shy about having visitors for the time being. I'll let you know when I feel up to seeing people.
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