my year in review

It's New Years Eve and I am wide awake. I went to dinner with some girlfriends tonight and had a fabulous time chatting and laughing but ate entirely too much food. My belly is having words with me and they ain't pretty.

So, I'll do as so many other bloggers do and post a quick year in review and maybe a few goals for 2012. Hopefully by the end of this post I will have earned some forgiveness from my digestive system and will be able to peacefully drift off to sleep.

In a word 2011 was traumatic. There were plenty of good times but the shockingly bad times really took center stage. Several events kicked my ass and made me step back and take an extreme look at myself, my actions, my beliefs and my character. I found plenty that I didn't like but I also made myself face the good that I had been overlooking, and refusing to foster.

The best of 2011: a wedding, a zoo trip, a lost 21 lbs, a new puppy, a lost first tooth, a first day in first grade, a halloween party, a healthy spouse, hugs from my dad, laughter with cousins, kisses with a baby, rummikub, scary water rides, a surprise birthday party, a rain soaked camping trip, kind words from friends, a swim in the lake, a celebration of life, final words, new friends, old friends, life-long friends, a truthful exchange, new neighbors, a cabin in the woods, words with friends, a loving husband, a remarkable child.

I need to be better to myself, my husband and my child. I need to focus on my family of three and what benefits us the most. I need to speak up for myself in a kind and loving way and be more generous to the world.

In 2012 my goals are:

1. Try to remember it's quality not quantity, every time.
2. Be a vegetarian for 30 days.
3. Hit that gym 3 days a week (at least!)
4. Volunteer five hours a month.
5. Surround myself with good people.
6. Date night with the hubby twice a month (at least!)
7. Let it Go.

My motto for 2012:

Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.
~ Bernard Meltzer

December Happiness

This month is about accentuating the positive. I've hit a few speed bumps lately and I am trying to let it all go and surround myself with good things and good people.

Matt and I spread a little Christmas cheer last weekend. It was selfless and random and gave both of us the warm and fuzzies. We need to do more of that year round.

Earlier this month Cha and I went Christmas caroling at a local senior center. It was precious beyond words and I had to stop several times to catch my breath. I was trying so hard not to cry that I couldn't breathe. One of the little girls who was singing with us kept watching my tears and asking what was wrong. I told her the singing was so beautiful it made me cry.

Matt and Cha went to the aquarium and had an amazing time. Matt wanted to take her to the Museum of Art but Cha said she wanted to touch a sting ray, so that's what they did. They also pet sharks, star fish and sea cucumbers. I had a Daisy meeting so I couldn't join them, but next time for sure.

A few weeks ago we attended the Phoenixville Firebird Festival. It's a must-see for anyone in the area. We started the night walking around town looking at all the crafts and street performers, had a tasty meal, sat for a quick chat with Santa then watched that bird burn. Fun night.

~ making ornaments at busy bees pottery ~

~ petting baby sharks at the camden aquarium ~

~ watching the phoenix go up in flames ~

~ gansta girls out on the town ~

~ dinner at mollys ~

~ a chat with an old friend ~

~ how is my baby girl so grown up? ~

As I write this it's nearly one in the morning and I am sitting next to the Christmas tree. I am mesmerized by it's patches of light. Several years ago we got a pre-lit tree. The kitties and the puppy have done a number on it and chewed up many of the wires and branches. This tree will have a very short life. It's still beautiful and gives off a spiritual glow.

Tomorrow we have a playdate with friends followed by a Christmas celebration with family. Christmas morning we will be waking up in our own house and watching Cha ooooh and ahhhh over her presents then spend the afternoon with more family.

There are many positives in my life and I am very blessed.

Four Years Today

I got the call four years ago. I spent the early part of the day waiting for the phone to ring. I had the biopsy on Monday December 1, 2007 and the doctor said he'd have the results in 3-7 days. Four years ago today made it a Thursday and day 4. I impatiently called Dr. K at noon to see if there was any word. I was told that he was seeing patients and would call me back shortly.

It was after hours when he called. I was sitting down in front of my computer chatting with some of the September Moms. He read the results and I stopped breathing when I heard the word carcinoma. I remember typing out to the Moms 'Yep, it's cancer' and then I signed off, while still on the phone with him.

Dr. K handled it very well. I have no problem with not being asked to come in and get the details in person. Over the phone worked best for me because I could break down in my own surroundings, which of course I did.

I was alone when I got the news and shortly after I hung up the phone there was a knock at the door. It was one of my neighbors who asked to use the phone. My face was wet with tears and I know I must have looked stunned. I blurted out 'I just found out I have cancer.' He gave me a hug and said he was sorry. Looking back I feel so bad for him. He just needed to use the phone for a quick minute (theirs had been turned off) and now he was standing next to an emotional volcano. Poor guy.

They say I'm pretty much in the clear after five years but tonight I'm going to treat myself to some ice cream.