Our neighbor just died. She was 32 and left behind four kids. Cha played with her kids and I talked to her regularly on the playground or bus stop.
This morning I had to tell Cha that her friend's mother had died. With every cell in my body I wanted to make her feel better by saying that her mom and dad were not going to die. But that would be a lie, because one day we will and we have no idea when that will be. It could happen in 40 years or it could happen this afternoon. I just don't want Cha to have those thoughts in her head. She already struggles with nightmares and separation anxiety. I am pained thinking about how frightened she feels when she's alone. I need my baby to feel safe.
I keep a private journal for her and hope she'll read it many years from now, after I'm gone. That's my plan. I want to stay safe and healthy so my child has her mother as long as possible. I want to journal about how proud I am of her college degree and parenting skills. I want to share with her my private thoughts about getting old and senile and give her advice on how to deal with an aging body. I want to journal about the fun her dad and I have with an empty next and an open road.
Right now I really need people to stop dying.
Losing my mom as an adult has been just awful but it is something no child should ever have to go through. And yet, they do and it is so awful. Will praying do anything to help this poor family to help them through their grief? I hope so and will pray that God eases their loss.
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