Cancer babble

I was watching the news last week and there was a story about breast cancer and early detection. I noticed that it didn't stop me in my tracks like those stories usually do. Before I was diagnosed anytime I saw a story about breast cancer I was in such denial that I'd turn them off. I knew about early detection and what needed to be done but I hated thinking about it all the time. B.C. (Before Cancer) I used to get super anxious thinking about mammograms. I cried before every test knowing that it would be bad news. I got my first mammogram at 35 and then got them every year following until Sept of 06 when the film showed 'something suspicious' and I was told to come back every six months. I was so panicked and just knew that the next one would be bad news that I made myself ill. I was due for my six month checkup in March 07 but the day of my scheduled appt we got hit with a terrible snow storm and they canceled on me. I was supposed to call back and reschedule but dug my head in the sand and couldn't deal.

In November 07 somehow I just knew that I had to call. One day I was so overcome with anxiety that I decided that I had to do it or I wouldn't be able to function anymore. I had a sinus infection and stayed home from work. I got up my courage to call and as soon as I got on the phone with the breast center I broke down. I blubbered and told the woman about how I was in denial and how I was overdue and was certain it was bad news. The woman was wonderful and scheduled me to come in the day after Thanksgiving. I was so thankful that they were open but was dreading what I knew would be bad news. It's odd how you know those things, you know?

The diagnosis came, just as I feared and when I started seeing those breast cancer awareness news stories I looked at them much differently. I didn't so much watch them as examine them. Was the information correct or slanted? Did the reporter even know what he/she was talking about?

So here it is a year and a half out and when those stories come on I just watch them and hope that they are getting through to the people who need to hear them. And I hope those people, both men and women, find the courage to do what needs to be done. I am one who feared the worst and was a bit of a baby about it, but overall it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought.