I fired my shrink

I'm not sure if this is a smart idea or not, but it's six days before my surgery and I just fired my shrink.

I know I'm depressed but at the moment talking about it isn't really doing anything for me. Life is up and down and busy and stressful and I think my depression stems from issues that cannot be resolved by 'talking about it'.

What makes me feel better is being active and trying to breathe. Right now, dwelling on all the things that I am doing wrong and fixating on what needs to be changed is only dragging me down. Matt keeps telling me that I am depressed and that the last thing I need to do is stop going to therapy. I don't think he understands. I admit that I am down and need help but my current therapist isn't providing the help that I need. I need to find someone new but at the moment I am concentrating on my next surgery, working, keeping myself and my family safe and fed and most importantly, trying to breathe.

Maybe once the surgery is over and I have some time to relax and recover I will start feeling better on my own. All I know is that I have been feeling terribly anxious before my therapy appointments and can't remember the last time I left his office feeling better than when I walked in. It's become one more thing to stress over.

We'll just have to see what happens.