Friday, December 14, 2007

Friday babbling

I'm waiting for a call from Dr. K. I left a message with his office this morning asking if I could speak to him for a couple of minutes. He probably won't call until after hours, but I'll be waiting.

I haven't spoken to him in over a week and I know there's really nothing to say but I just have a few questions for him. I want to confirm the diagnosis. When we last spoke I was in shock and was only listening with one ear. I want to make sure I heard him right. I also want confirmation that I'll be okay to wait 7 or 8 weeks to start treatment. I know it's early, but I want to make sure it will still be considered early in 8 weeks. I know I'm just being paranoid but I'll feel better after I talk to him.

I went back to work this week and it was tough. I'm not comfortable with everyone talking about the cancer all the time. I am very grateful that people are concerned and want to be supportive, but I am a private person and I like to cry to myself. Every time someone would walk up to my desk and ask about it I felt like bawling. Besides, right now there's not really much to say. I also get the stinking suspicion that some people just want to see me breakdown. They ask questions about how the doctor told me and how I reacted. I just don't feel like answering a lot of questions right now.

That's why I hope none of you mind the blog. It's really so much easier for me. I appreciate the calls and the emails but I find myself saying the same things over and over and I'm tired of crying. Charlotte started seeing monsters recently and I'm afraid it's because she can sense that I'm upset. Eek, I can't wait for the meds to really kick in.

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